its enough to make you go crazy

stasis:

okay blog. i'm a bad friend to you. sorry for the absences. life is so out of control-ish lately. i have enjoyed two emotional breakdowns in the past 36 hours- at least three this past week... grad school wears you down i think- and this whole mid-twenties quarter life crisis/ figuring out how to bridge the gap thing makes you loco. and then there's school work, friendships and loved ones to fit in there... so. i'm pulling through if barely at present. today is my day off- almost completely for reals. i got up at 9:30 (slept in a bit) and had a nice Joy tea with soy (still trying to drink *less* coffee... i gave up on *no* coffee) and a piece of the butter/apple cake i made last night. (i *really* missed baking- i mean *really* missed it) then i organized my stuff, made my weekly to do list for this faux "spring break" we're having, answered emails and chatted with my mom on the phone. since then i've been trying to finish this Philosophy of Teaching which is past due (something i never do-- the past due thing.) i must finish it today for my own emotional well being- and i must begin the work for my text book review. i wish upon wish that i could go to the gym.. but there isn't time in the day. ugh. i'm also painfully close to finishing the highlighting/annotating of the "9 Parts..." d-file. i have this week... but... we'll see. i'm breaking to blog because i'm feeling very emotionally connected today so i wanted to touch base with this old friend. also - they announced that they will be producing "a lyrical opera made by two" next spring at uarts. this was such a special show for me when i was there. the story is too long and complicated to tell her.. and in some ways too deeply personal. but seeing it on the docket really shocked me- like physically. i can't believe its been that long. i kept thinking about gertrude & the experience like a best friend or a love that i had that i don't get to see anymore (you know, in my day there was no "youtube" or "facebook"... so the memories are all gone except for what i can remember actively in my mind) so i feel like the giver and i have this precious thing... and anyway- i thought- this must be what its like when your children grow up and leave home. and its important for me- the letting go while not letting go. and i feel very much at peace with it- and happier than i can say that these young artists will get the incomparable chance to work on this beautiful and meaningful piece... but i also feel very deeply emotional about it. all good- just very full. so that's my life lately. busy and emotional. i could go for a swap maybe- nothing to do and nothing to worry about? sounds good, right?? sigh. ah well. maybe in my next life.


song of the day:

"everytime" donovan frankenreiter



daily zen:


"be polite. love with all your might." gertrude stein (a lyrical opera made by two)

OR
(as alex and i discovered after the fact, the actual text...)

"be polite. live with all your might."

(don't tell ms stein but we like ours better)



5 things:

1- mom
2- jessica
3- cait
4- joy tea
5- rory