Pressed Into My Book

nostalgia, commitment & french toast

2011-11-22T02:42:00.002-05:00

hey blog.

i was googling around this evening and found this old blog. wow, wow, wow. i am so glad that i kept it all those years. i read through the whole thing (skimmed, really, let's be honest)- and thought to myself, why did you ever give that up? what a wonderful archive of these interesting and adventurous years of my life. so, i'm back. i don't know yet what exact format i'm going to adopt, but i know for sure that i will go back to taking a picture everyday. it is just incredible to be able to look back at my journey. so. hello.

as they say, "reunited and it feels so good."

okay okay i'm back

2010-07-30T08:26:00.003-04:00

hello blog.

of course i missed you- but things are in a crazy flux so i needed a little time to regroup. i have decided to write. of course i decided to write. remember (although you probably don't- it's been a long time) when i started this blog it was because i was deep into the artist's way (a book that i still need to finish- and probably won't until 2012- or post-MFA) and it told me to write something everyday. and it works. i feel good. i feel creative, connected and powerful from just writing anything everyday. so i am back and i will blog. maybe i'll shake up the format: new city, new degree, new adventures = new blog.. but i'll keep the gratitude because if you can't be grateful for 5 things on a daily basis you need to stop and take care of that before you can blog about anything else. you being me of course.

and what a grand place to begin anew with this project- the morning of my departure a) from my beloved Philadelphia, b) onto the road for ten days of driving cross country, and c) for our pre-wedding honeymoon. (rory and i are getting married between semesters, this happens when one of the people involved is a perpetual student... so there's a time crunch but we are also both students in the process of launching- so we're also poor as church mice. so we decided to make our cross country trip into our honeymoon, and then in january after our wedding when we're back in san diego, rory visiting of course, we're going to spend a few days in catalina as a post-wedding-mini-moon.)

alright- so here begins the adventure.

i got up this morning and cleaned rory's apartment for him so that it would be a sweet treat, not only to wake up to but also to come home to in september, and now as i finish this i'm going to wake him up and head out to get breakfast, then we're seeing cait to say bye and then jessica & ian to say bye- and then we're on the road to CLEVELAND, OHIO. stop # 1.

i'll keep you posted.

and yes i do feel a correlation- cheesy as it is- between my journey and elizabeth gilbert's journey as the movie version of my favorite book prepares to launch august 13th.

daily gratitude:

1- the amazing adventure i have had in philadelphia since bravely moving here in 2002.
2- my incredible friends who love me enough to push me out of the nest with all their hearts and promise to be waiting when i fly back
3- my beautiful family who really are my best friends in the world, who love and support me in ways i can only understand little by little as a grow up and in grand sweeping ways that make it possible for me to make it day to day and minute to minute
4- my unbelievable fiance, who is more beautiful (inside & out), generously loving, fiercely loyal and unendingly supportive than i could have ever dreamed. i can't wait to marry him this christams
5- my new city- my new adventure- the chance to meet myself and my art and the next chapter of my life brand new in san diego.

au revoir for now

2010-06-23T15:51:00.003-04:00

hey blog. sorry to have had some radio silence for a while there. to tell you the truth, i think i will be taking a little time off from this kind of blogging. it was just what i needed when i did it... and now as my life makes another big transition-- i think its time for this blog to transition too. so- for now you can follow my daily online activity at the photo blog i keep with my sister:

www.NestingSisters.wordpress.com

and maybe when I'm settled in San Diego or back home starting my life and i feel the need for this blog again- I will bring it back.

and until then---

thanks and stay grateful!

xo

Kate

this wedding keeps me up at night...

2010-05-28T10:56:00.001-04:00

ultimate restoring

2010-05-10T14:56:00.002-04:00

stasis:

hi blog. watching martha's show presently- which is rough because she has a butcher on today... ewwwww. woke up SUPER late this morning- but i could afford to so that's wonderful. right out of bed, i continued my laundry quest and my last of three loads this morning is in the dryer at present. then i made breakfast, played on the vandiver inn website, talked to my mama, helped rory with getting ready for his jury today, did dishes, took a little shower, brushed my teeth and washed my face... did i mentino three loads of laundry? i also ordered my final transcripts from Villanova to send to SDSU (i got straight A's!!! & ended up with a pretty great cum GPA 3.92... so.. i rock.) i plan to go walking the river walk as soon as this laundry is done (watching ellen till then of course)- then tonight is the Showcase at Nova! and rory's coming with me! we get so little time together and with august coming sooner and sooner- its just super nice. nice beyond nice. alright- enough for now.

song of the day:

"Ain't No Mountain" - Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell

daily zen:

“Even if you’re on the right track,
you’ll get run over if you just sit there”
- Will Rogers

5 things:

1- groceries!
2- my beautiful family
3- sunshine
4- clean clean clean clean clothes
5- my best friend in the world, my future husband- the stinky boy with all the freckles.

hold me close and be still

2010-05-08T10:56:00.003-04:00

stasis:

hey blog. okay. so.... it has been a while. but here we go. lets just start anew- today is saturday. i woke up far later than my alarm was set to go off and i don't remember hearing it go off at all. may its set for 8pm. i'll have to look. i made myself eggo waffles with syrup- a gift from mom yesterday for my poor tummy that still hasn't recovered really from my bug/flu on tuesday. now i'm out on the porch doing this blogging and maybe reading the new theatre journal that i got in the mail yesterday- but then the day is mine. FINALLY. and the last time for a little while again. (as with mothers day tomorrow, showcase monday- and studying for the comp, rosencrantz & guildenstern and pretty all start up (again) on tuesday) but today is all mine. sadly its supposed to rain some? i guess there are some dark clouds. so instead of hiking the arboretum, i think i'm probably going to hike around philly, take myself to see "babies" at 1:30 or 3:30, maybe do trader joe's later on... and then the last performance of the parallax Sondheim cabaret tonight. which has been really nice. a mad dash of notes and lyrics and staging - but thats how it goes. i had mentally forgotten that... having spent the last two years back in a classroom- but my body remembered. and i'm grateful for the muscle memory that takes you through things like that. i'm also grateful to be in something with rory. he's kind of a big deal. at least in my book anyway. and taht's that. its SO sunny on the porch, i think i'll leave it at that and enjoy the sun!!

song of the day:

"sunday" from steve's "sunday in the park with george"

daily zen:

Fallen leaves hide the mountain path.
No one around to ask directions.
An old monk sweeps the ground.
A novice rushes up to greet me.

- Jungkwan Ilson (1533-1608)

5 things:

1- beautiful art & the chance to make it
2- feeling better (slowly but surely)
3- san diego
4- my beautiful friends & family here at home
5- the love of my life

don't worry

2010-05-06T15:23:00.002-04:00

i haven't forgotten about you.

i'll write when i'm done cleaning. kay?

i love chair covers- she hates them.

2010-04-28T12:26:00.002-04:00

stasis:

yo blog. these gray days kill me. today is operation- finish schoolwork day! and i will- i really, really will. even if it kills me. i have my homework sweater and my glasses on. and a neverending supply of jasmine tea in my mug. i slept in a little this morning. got up and brushed my teeth and took my vitamins and had a piece of bread with pb... and read two huge chapters in my book. now i'm sitting down to type up those two chapters- which means i'm 4 away from being done. this is a GOOD thing. so i have to finish that and read two bader plays today- and about a hundred more by next wednesday. and the fact that all i can write about it the amount of work i have to do... is a sign. haha. so au revoir. i'll write more soon/tomorrow/another day- when i'm less stressed.

song of the day:

"you are the best thing" ray lamontagne

daily zen:

When the breath wanders the mind also is unsteady.
But when the breath is calmed the mind too will be still,
and the yogi achieves long life.
Therefore, one should learn to control the breath.

~Svatmarama, Hatha Yoga Pradipika

5 things:

1- tea
2- glasses
3- health
4- family
5- rory

can you teach an old dog?

2010-04-26T00:49:00.002-04:00

this is not grand yet... but this old dog is learning to use iMovie finally. i'm getting there. so- pictures... not fixed but the song is there! ah well. eventually i'll get tech-savvy. slowly but surely.

ah- jeez.

2010-04-25T12:11:00.002-04:00

stasis:

i probably don't have time to blog, but i'm gonna do it anyway because i'm a bit stressed it turns out. i say it turns out because.. aside from a pretty sizable project i have to do for my Independent Study- there's nothing really looming over my head at this moment. there are things in the future but far enough away that they should be scaring me now. and yet- i've felt funny and off the last part of last night (after dad had gone home) and into this morning. and get this- last night apparently i shot up in bed screaming (this happens pretty frequently but usually on a 1-10 the terror would be maybe a 5.5, ror says and usually its just me saying "no. wait- please. wait wait. wait.") but last night i shot up screaming in terror- like TERROR and when ror woke me up from it i was sort of laying up in bed and he was trying to hold me asking me what i was scared of - and i heard myself saying it was him. and that he wasn't him- and i kid you not- i was SHAKING like a leaf- like my whole body was shaking in terror. eventually i realized i was awake and he was tehre and what was happening and he was able to calm me back to sleep- but i scared myself SO much. what is going on in my life?! yes- big changes but we'll figure that out. this was so strange and intense. i don't know. i got a haircut friday that ... its neat. but it ended up doing the opposite of what i wanted it to do- i wanted to keep my long hair and get a trim and the layers ended up being like joan jett funky and while it has a lot of spunk- i really lost all of the length i have been growing out since cabaret and would have liked to keep growing for the wedding. we'll see. i'm going to will it to grow fast again. and i have some cute things to do with it till then- but that isn't enough to inspire terror, is it? eesh. anyway. woke up this mornign with a tummy ache. realized that rory and i both had scheduled big events with the car today. sadly i had scheduled first and i can't re-neg- so he had to cancel his appointment. i felt/feel bad but i am driving my students to see "Spelling Bee" this afternoon for a grade and its their last chance and i have scheduled it for months - so. oh well. after that i have styles rehearsal for a few hours. then home for more homework. i think i figured out the big project i just need to re-do some work and crunch down with it. it can be done. i don't know. as good old loggain in the spelling bee would say "i'm so stressed by my stress i just wanna up and vomit."

song of the day:

"homeward bound" simon & garfunkel

daily zen:

“Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth,
a forgetting of the breath.
Stress is an ignorant state.
It believes that everything is an emergency.
Nothing is that important.
Just lie down.”

-natalie goldberg

5 things:

1- my amazing parents
2- a house full of groceries
3- rory's beautiful cleaning job in the bedroom yesterday
4- cute hats to go with my new hairdo
5- my best friend. the love of my life. r

if i get home before daylight

2010-04-21T11:02:00.003-04:00

stasis:

hi blog. today i will try to be brief. i set my alarm for 7:07- but because my ror was a rhino all over the apartment this morning (from 3am-6am... eesh- he went to NY for an audition today- sadly they were not seeing non-eq but i'm SUPER proud. he stepped right up to the starting line, you know)- anyway but because he had to leave so early he was a loud rhino with all the lights on. so i slept through my alarm. all the way to 10:30 am... eesh. then i watered the flowers, did the dishes, talked to rorsies on the phone, had some joe's o's & coffee while talking to my dad, checked my emails and now i'm settling in to finish my eJournal & my paper. i can do it. last paper of my MA. (ahhh!) this is quite cool:

THINGS LEFT UNTIL I HAVE MY MA:
- bader paper
- eJournal # 13 (today)
- eJournal #14
- read a handful of plays for bader
- bader oral exam
- styles scene perf. 05/03
- mt textbook review
- mt theatre topics article review
- showcase
- bader comp 05/20 (post graduation... strange i know)

but look how LITTLE that list is!!!!!!!! sprinkle in there the good stuff: SMing Jessica's one woman show "Pretty" (which is INCREDIBLE! wait till you see it!), playing Rosencrantz opposite my Jessica in Ben's directing orals "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead" in June... and i think that's it. wow. it goes so slow on the microscopic level- but macroscopically it FLIES. alright- speaking of- i MUST write or i won't finish these papers in time for my styles rehearsal tonight. eesh. byeeeeee!

song of the day:

"the weight" the band

(really an anthem of my MA years- thanks to Butros of course.)

daily zen:

“This is not the end.
It is not even the beginning of the end.
But it is,
perhaps,
the end of the beginning.”

- winston churchill

5 things:

1- my dad
2- soy milk
3- my beautiful nova family
4- spring weather- it makes my flowers really happy
5- my beautiful, talented, driven fiance.

so we can rise above the madness

2010-04-20T15:39:00.003-04:00

stasis:

i woke up about quarter of nine-- yep i missed yoga. i'll catch it thursday. for sure. i got ready and put gas in the car & drove to school for the mt kids' project presentation day 1. and they were great. one group made "hook" into a musical and the other did "the hangover". very creative. then i chatted with some pals & drove home. talked to my jessica. cleaned my apartment a bit (there's more to do but we're on our way). changed into some springier clothes (its warmish today finally). talked to mom. made spanikopita & sausage for lunch. collected my necessities for paper writing and began work on the paper. which is where i am now. working on the paper. took a break to blog. by the end of today i'll have a nice start on the paper, an outline and an ejournal--- and i'm really hoping for groceries too. depends on if ror feels up to it after class. today is a great day. really is. after all, it's LOST tuesday.

song of the day:

"lady madonna" (cover by richie havens- i LOVE this~)

daily zen:

All photographs are accurate. None of them is truth.
– Richard Avedon

5 things:

1- jazz berry
2- jessica. always.
3- a clean home
4- paper writing- i actually really like it!
5- my best friend/love of my life

john adams

2010-04-16T15:11:00.002-04:00

stasis:

hey there blogger. so i woke up today at 7 when my alarm went off, but felt compelled to enjoy the sunshine and my fiance sleeping and the comfy sheets so i stayed in bed- but didn't really sleep any more until about 10 or 11. lots of meditation & constructive rest. then i got up finally and made our breakfast (coffee & joe's o's- tomorrow is grocery day). then i talked to mom, checked emails and got business done while ror got up and showered and put on Price is Right (my favorite). then i helped him learn lines, got ready myself (netti potted FINALLY- spring has sprung in my poor little sinuses), and we left for the day. he to class and i to the coffee shop for a peaceful & sunny lunch & coffee and enough serenity & energy to get work done. here i wrote my article response and answered more emails and worked on my verbs for Elves. now i'm blogging- then getting half of my sammy to go and heading to Nova for our first full cast Elves rehearsal- then ANnie tonight. last three shows. the thesis is: life is so very good. i mean- SO very good. its busy and chaotic, sure... but it is just SO. Very. Good.

song of the day:

"get back" beatles

daily zen:

(more theatre zen- i LOVE stacy wolf. this is from her article: "in defense of pleasure" about the merit of musical theater)

"Use pleasure as a way in. One of the oft-repeated critiques of musical theatre studies is that accolades and fandom stand in for the analysis, historicization, and theorizing expected of “regular” theatre histories. As educators, I believe that it is our duty to respect and draw out students’ preferences and passions and to consider their feelings as being socially contingent, historically grounded, and, in the words of Bourdieu, 'habitus-based'."

or

"pleasure motivates."

Stacy Wolf

5 things:

1- LaVa
2- my new amazing dressing from old navy's online clearance
3- my summer sandals! i feel like a flower already!
4- incredible readings
5- my love of my life. i choo choo choose you ror. ;-)

i won't give up/ if you don't give up

2010-04-14T11:07:00.002-04:00

stasis:

hey wednesday- usually my favorite day of the week- and today is no different! yesterday i did nap ALL day. it was GLORIOUS. seriously. my body really needs it. so last night we watched LOST (post Annie) but then i listened to my body and passed out without doing work first. oh, well. today is a BEAUTIFUL day and i'm well rested enough that i can spend my day working on homework. yes! today will be a great day regardless but especially if i finish my ejournal, prep sheet & article review- aaaand get to Trader Joe's with Rory before the show tonight. it can be done. I'm getting ready to make my winding down check-list: all the things left to do before my MA. (yes!) i think i'm nearing the point where i can do that. maybe in a week. so i woke up this mornign at 10- rory told me to sleep in... and i tried. but i was ready to wake up (probably at 9). so i got up. talked to my butros, as usual. washed all of our dishes. watered my flowers and gatehred my homework stuff. checked/responded to emails. now i'm gonna honker down (is that how that word goes?) and get some work done, then shower, groceries & show. a good day, i tell you. and look at all that SUNSHINE!

song of the day:

"do you remember" jack johnson

daily zen:

(a theatre thought from a passionate theatre artist)

This is the theatre I believe in:
the place where we can stand and see ourselves.
Not see what others tell us we are,
or should be -
but see our deepest selves.

-Augusto Boal

5 things:

1- wednesdays off! (sleeping in)
2- sunshine & vitamin d
3- grocery day to trader j's
4- wonderful work i like to do
5- my beautiful, loving, supportive fiance- i'd be lost without you ru.

it's all right...

2010-04-13T12:41:00.002-04:00

stasis:

not much to say. i woke up like 10 of 9... oops. had to leave by 9, which i did. stopped at walgreens to buy butterfly band aids- a big chunk of my right thumb got cut out of my hand accidentally during sunday's show when i shot the bird on dolly's hat- which is the first moment of the play for me- so i had to spend the entire first act covered in dirt and bleeding... needless to say that the cut is now really unhappy and no band aids will stay on it- and its not safe yet to let it air.. i did last night and it was GROSS this morning. so... anyway. now its solved. hurts- but i won't die. anyway- then i drove to class, we talked about queer theory and did a little rehearsing of songs. then i chatted a bit with my beloved weeyum--- i just love the MA family. i really will miss everyone as soon as its over. anyway- then i drove home in the rain, listening to ATW's Downstage Center- a podcast series that I am OBSESSED with. today i listened to the end of Hal Prince & all of John Doyle (amazing podcast by the way. he's a really great innovator- NOT a one trick pony.). now i'm home and i'm ready to pass out. so i'm going to nap. do i have work to do? yeah. but too bad. i'd rather not get sick. i WILL make it to may. i WILL make it to may.

song of the day:

"neon" john mayer

(my friend steve gave me a hand recorded cassette tape in 1998 with live demo type recordings of two unknown dudes who were, "pretty good"- side A: john mayer, side B: howie day- yeah they're okay. in all seriousness tho- those demos were WAY better than the studio recordings... i miss that sound.)

daily zen:

"Nothing is more real than nothing."
Samuel Beckett

5 things:

1- tuesdays (including mt & my break in the day)
2- butterfly band aids
3- our comfy couch & comfy target blankets
4- groceries
5- rory.... tho i wish he were home.

well it's a long shot

2010-04-12T22:19:00.003-04:00

stasis:

hey blog. i meant to write. sorry. so- woke up today early-ish i think... or late-ish. not early enough i remember. i made coffee and lunch.. no wait i did have breakfast... oh this blog is a bust. i don't remember much of the day. lots lots upon lots of homework- but of course- never enough. also i helped J tape her musical segment for "pretty" and i coached charlie's song, and we rehearsed 'afternoon of the elves' just us & once with harriet. now i'm home and watching family guy. oh you heard me. rory's cooking our (sadly) late dinner- and i'm gonna try to genuinely decompress tonight. i will lead a balanced life until the comp is over. i really will. i will not make myself sick with school anymore. and that's a promise.

daily zen:

What is inexpressible is inexhaustible in its use.

-A Chinese Zen master

song of the day:

"old man" neil young

5 things:

1- sunshine
2- groceries
3- my ugg boots
4- my wonderful family
5- my rory.

smell me!

2010-04-12T11:48:00.000-04:00

the brilliant, incredible Rick Stoppleworth posted on the Brind School Blog (part of the UArts School of Theatre Arts website) my visual file for "9 Parts of Desire"!!!!

(i'm SO honored)

http://brindschool.tumblr.com/

Annie's Trick!

2010-04-11T01:30:00.000-04:00

"you marry Frank & save the show! now, how does that sound?"

"like a fairy tale!"

procrastination station

2010-04-07T11:28:00.002-04:00

stasis:

hey bloggie. i woke up around 9:45 this morning and have accomplished very little... or at least it feels that way. its very warm in philly today- so i am taking it easy in the heat. so far: i've made the bed, cleaned the dishes, watered the plants, made & ate breakfast, collected my readings for today and put them in a pile in the living room, answered emails & phone calls, and watched parts of "cloud 9" from last summer nostalgically. so. not super productive. for the rest of the early afternoon i plan to read lots lots lots of readings, take a shower, if i have time maybe go for a jog (but it is HOT today), and then i'm gonna pick up ror & head to my favorite place in the whole world-- trader joe's! then tonight he's coming to my show. i can't remember being so excited to do a show for someone-- except probably opening when my incredible mom surprised me! i whine because i'm burnt out from school- but i do LOVE annie beyond measure. and i'm really weeding out the whines and getting back to the gratitude. its a process- but it can be done.

song of the day:

"wash away" joe purdy

daily zen:

Precisely the least, the softest, lightest, a lizard's rustling,
a breath, a flash, a moment - a little makes the way
of the best happiness.
- Frederich Nietzsche, Thus Spake Zarathustra

5 things:

1- time
2- sunshine
3- groceries
4- clean home
5- RORY

oh mexico...

2010-04-06T16:10:00.003-04:00

stasis:

hey blog. so. good- HOT- wonderful day. i guess. woke up on time and felt somewhat refreshed this morning. my allergies/sinuses are not sure how to behave in the new early summer warmth that snuck into these spring days. but i'm alright. had coffee and cheerios before leaving the house too- which is grand. got to school and we had some presentations in musical theatre, then i taught them the rest of "bitch of living" from spring awakening. which i think went well... i'm so burnt out that its hard to tell anymore. i sweat my brains out so usually that's a good sign. then bill, amanda & i rehearsed for our/his style's scene- which we did outdoors cause its incredible out! so that was also great. then i went to go home and without checking the report first got on 76 E, on which i sat and did NOT move for almost 45 minutes because of "construction" which when we got there- there was NO construction and no people in orange. just cones and perfectly good road. GRRRR. then i got home, cleaned up, made lunch, had a NICE shower, talked to my mom, and did my (oops) homework that was apparently due at noon. oh well. can't win them all. i just finished that and its warm so i might try to read a LITTLE and nap before having to leave for annie in about an hour and fifteen minutes. then after the show is LOST tonight- we DVR. so its a good day.

song of the day:

"my sweet lord" george harrison

(one of my top three favorite songs of all ALLLLL time)

daily zen:

The tighter you squeeze, the less you have.
-ma tsu

5 things:

1- soy raspberry yogurt
2- time
3- sunshine
4- clean clothes
5- rory... i miss you ru

breathe in the nose & out the mouth

2010-04-05T14:59:00.002-04:00

stasis:

i'm a mess blog. being home for break was nice- but it also stirred up a lot of bad toxins. like when you get a massage and it makes you cry? i have kept my nose down for so long with nova, that taking two seconds off and surrounding myself with family (near and extended) and the pressure of my potentially impending life crushed me. i feel so torn- because half of me is in heaven upon heaven with this weather and our clean apartment and the life that's swirling all around... but the other half... this is the evil half that literally gets chest pain every time i think about san diego, the part the lays awake in bed for hours (seriously) just panicking about it all, the part that is so freaked out about never ever making it to the starting line- about moving away from my fiance, my best friends, my family- for two years going completely alone for MORE masters work... this is the part that gets that running like a scary chant in the back of my head and makes me tense and distracted and unfocused and completely unhealthy. so that's the part i tried to leave in maryland- but...

we woke up early, grumped a little and were on the road to philly. it was a beautiful ride for which we were silent for about 80% of it. which ror loves.. i love too but not on days like today when i'm facing down the barrel of 6-?? months of living apart with him, and no actual wedding date in sight. we got to philly & i dropped him off. drove home & carried three heavy bags to the apartment. we'll get the rest later. i cleaned up. had some carrots, watered my flowers, and read some homework. now i'm blogging- cooking linner, then i will respond to said readings, read more and head to annie brush up.

its all good. i just need... maybe a massage- maybe i will treat myself to a big old massage. like an hour long. and if i want i'll cry. just because it will feel so good.

song of the day:

"watching the wheels" john lennon

daily zen:

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”
— Herman Hesse

5 things:

1- time
2- sunshine
3- home cookin'
4- annie get your gun
5- rory

got my gun!

2010-04-02T12:37:00.002-04:00

here are some wonderful pictures (all taken by the brilliant Paola Ngueras)--- and today i found this:

“Kathryn Lyles is phenomenal as feisty, firey, Annie Oakley.”- Christina Perryman, Delco News Network

HOORAY!l

but i'm tho thtressed by my thtreth i juth wanna up'n vomit

2010-04-02T11:24:00.002-04:00

Stastis:

hi blog & blog world friends... sorry i've been away so long. school is really a special kind of difficult this past semester/year. so its alright i'm just having trouble staying a float- as i'm sure you know by my lack of blogging. so. lets just cover today. i set my alarm for 7:07 to get up and enjoy a day off with beautiful sunshine in my clean apartment with groceries (HALLELUJIA!) and somehow my friend rory must have turned off my alarm when he got up (or i might have in my sleep- i certainly have before) and i slept until 10:50. "eesh obama eesh" as my sister would say. so now i'm up & enjoying this day, even if a bit late to it. i made the bed & brushed my teeth and made coffee and cheerios w/soy milk, answered my emails- which were really great today- lots of love from people i love and fun upcoming adventures discussed... still no more san diego info- but i'm actually enjoying waiting for that because it gives me something wonderful to look forward to. though, i do miss the days of getting that BIG letter in the mail. that would be cool. UArts- we got the day i got my drivers license adjusted to take the "cinderella clause" or whatever off of it b/c i had turned 18. Villanova- i remember rory & i jumping around the apartment and we put the letter on the fridge- probably for all of last year- and then we went out to fancy food at Mixto. then i was driving in Lancaster (from a show probably) when Fr Richard called me about the scholarship. so. i look forward to another happy san diego memory to add to it. and really i have enough to worry my brain with now anyway. so- post blogging, i'm gonna water my new beautiful flowers (hooray!!), re-write my teaching philosophy, review an article & read rhinoceros. if that takes me close to time, i'll then pack & go get rory to take us on our vacation to Maryland! if i have more time i'll read some theorists. and i think i will do all of this on the deck- because LOOK AT THE SUNSHINE!!!!

song of the day:

"woe is me" from william finn's "25th annual putnam county spelling bee"

Daily zen:

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
-- Havelock Ellis

5 things:

1- groceries
2- sunshine
3- my new flowers
4- this clean apartment
5- rory

*today's a good grateful day- i feel like i could have kept writing that list for hours. good. day.

hey sorry

2010-03-30T00:20:00.002-04:00

hey blog - i'm sorry i havent written in a hundred years. i am completely underwater with school work. like- seriously drowning. i can't WAIT for the semester to close so that i can sleep again. its a very serious problem. i'm okay- but i really have lost all control of my life. we haven't had laundry or groceries all month- and with all the stress and not sleeping, i just keep getting sick and staying somewhat unhealthy... its just not good. i love grad school, don't get me wrong. but this has been a REALLY hard- really, really overwhelming experience. and I'm ready to get my life back. soon. i'm on hypothetical easter break- starting tomorrow night after styles rehearsal. which is during lost. so i'm a grumpy gus.

sorry that wasn't a very good gratitude post. i am grateful for literally every single thing in my life.... i'm just exhausted right now. exhausted.

Anine & Frank

2010-03-22T13:01:00.001-04:00

Kati & Tim as Annie & Frank.

( I really thought I was taller than all that! ) ( guess not )

tech weekend

2010-03-20T09:22:00.001-04:00

sorry blog. i'll come back after tech- sound like a plan?

for now enjoy this picture of The Oakley clan--- "Annie Get Your Gun"!!!

(L-R) James, Anna, Emily, Peter, Me, Alicia & Brie.

things that make me happy

2010-03-17T16:54:00.001-04:00

(and don't ask me why)

someday i'll be donovan & then i'll wear green for saint patrick's

2010-03-17T11:15:00.002-04:00

stasis:

hey blog. another quick day. woke up about an hour ago. made tea, but my tummy's not up to it yet. and i have to go write an e-journal now so that i can spend my day writing my bader paper before tonight's supposed sitz-but really wandle-probe for 'annie'. and that's really it. its ror's beechman audition day. he's gonna be so grand. and he really has his head in a great place for it. which is so great. he really has grown up so much and i'm so proud of him. infinitely proud. and that's that.

song of the day:

"move on" sunday in the park with george; sondheim. duh.

daily zen:

"sometimes the great bones of my life feel so heavy,
and all the tricks my body knows-
the opposable thumbs,
the kneecaps,
and the mind clicking and clicking-
don't seem enough to carry me through this world and I think:
how I would like to have wings-
blue ones-
ribbons of flame.
How I would like to open them,
and rise from the black rain water...."
~ Mary OliVeR

*taken from emmy's facebook

5 things:

1- my slowly returning health
2- THIS SUNSHINE!!!
3- Annie Get Your Gun
4- SDSU
5- my fiance!!! HOME AGAIN! FINALLY!!!!!

i'm gonna make you see

2010-03-16T12:29:00.003-04:00

stasis:

be impressed. two days in a row & its the week leading into tech. i am having feelings (very very tiny ones) of being on top of things again. we'll see. i woke up this morning when my alarm went off at 7:30 but my body rejected it. of course i couldn't sleep sunday night when i had all of monday to sleep in, and now today i feel well enough to sleep in but there's not time to sleep. eesh. i eventually got up around 8:30 and got out the door about ten of nine. drove to school to meet early for a discussion with one of the mt students, and then we had class. kids presented on mega-musicals and miss saigon, then valerie taught them 'one' from 'a chorus line'- sadly i found out that they (90% of them) have a senior dinner/dance thing the night of the showcase, so my 'springs awakening' plans are thwarted- but i'm gonna teach it anyway, for funsies as they say. then i chatted with some pals at school for a little and drove to the bux where i'm working on homework till dinner with jessica, then final run before the sitzprobe tomorrow night. then (god willing) i will get to see both LOST and my beautiful, beloved fiance at home after rehearsal. hopefully. and maybe sleep. i miss that. (i miss you sleep.)

song of the day:

"what i did for love" a chorus line (movie version)

*say what you will- some people love it, some people despise it. i love it. i love this movie. this time period in musical theater completely enveloped my childhood. my sister's godmother, theresa, has a daughter and son who are about 10 years older than i am, who both loved, lived and performed in musicals- so starting when i was 5 weeks old, i was raised on their musicals- these musicals. love love love love.

daily zen:

You have said it, but you have not understood.

(Jesus of Nazareth)

5 things:

1- SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2- annie get your gun
3- SDSU
4- my beautiful family & beautiful friends
5- my fiance. i love him & i miss him terribly.

then i can be a movie star

2010-03-15T11:35:00.002-04:00

stasis:

hi blog. its been a few days... sorry bout it. life is hectic and then it gets busier... you know? so no time for a fill in, except to say that ror got really sick thursday and has been in delaware ever since- mono/strep/flu/the plague basically. i have been missing him terribly- except that it worked out well because saturday night until monday morning (this morning) i was sick beyond sick myself with a stomach bug. so it was actually nice that we didn't swap bugs and share them back and forth as we are wont to do. so today. i slept in till about 10:30 which was good because of how little i had slept well this weekend from the bug- but still not late enough for my liking since i was also up most of last night. either way. i got up and talked to my parents a little and rory a little, then got a nice shower and got myself out the door. went to the saxby's on lancaster for some quiet study time and to try to eat some solid food- and i did. i got a turkey sandwich and a peppermint tea which i nursed the rest of the day. then went to school where i rehearsed for class, then had the styles class to end all styles classes. we started a little before 5 and i left villanova around 10:30/10:45. eek. class was grand & the presentations were great - but that's a tiresome event for a gal who's just coming back from being burt out to the point of sick... ah well. that's grad school. so i came home and my SDSU goodies package was waiting!! (i'll be proudly sporting my hoodie tomorrow!! and like a nerd adding yet another decal to that poor car: UArts (x 2 cause 1 for Rory too remember); Villanova & SDSU! then i played around not getting work done on the computer and skyped with sick rory, talked to my mom and now i'm heading to bed. i may read a little on brecht in the gilman book... or i may just happily pass out. tomorrow is our last working rehearsal before the techs begin on Annie... i'm excited and nervous. i just hope i can be the best Annie i can be- i worry that with all the school work i wont be able to give it the due it deserves. anyway. i'm hopefully. and big time excited.

song of the day:

'crazy' gnarles barkley

(REMEMBER HOW GOOD THIS SONG IS>????? me too.)

daily zen:

And the more you become aware of the unknown self -
if you become aware of it -
the more you realize that it is inseparably connected with everything else that is.

-Alan Watts

5 things:

1- my health
2- my amazing friends
3- my wonderful family
4- 'annie get your gun'
5- my fiance, ror

BEST DAY EVER!

2010-03-10T15:22:00.003-05:00

I GOT IN TO SAN DIEGO STATE UNIVERSITY!!!!!

MFA Musical Theatre Class of '12!!!! YES YES YES!

(this is the best day ever. ever.)

you know you will

2010-03-10T12:42:00.002-05:00

Stasis:

hi blog. i've been a bad blogger i know- but here i am. not much time to write. the stress is incredible. bader paper due tomorrow, lead reading & theory & two plays i haven't yet read due tomorrow, a coaching tomorrow before class, rehearsal every day, past-due teaching of mt work, a HUGE styles project that has to be rehearsed every day at 745am b/c of the lack of time... and no time in there to eat, sleep or go to the gym or grocery store. i've even strained the muscles in my jaw and neck to the point of pain and bruising b/c of stress & tension while i sleep. but i cut caffeine so that's a start. anyway. i have to go write. i must finish this before i need to leave for annie rehearsal tonight- its character night- my favorite. i'm a hippie & i like these things- also i like relaxing. then all my v&f homework when i get home. so it goes. i'm sending positive vibes into the universe and working to untangle my knotty self... and hopeful that all of that will work itself out. which i know it will.

song of the day:

"with so little to be sure of" anyone can whistle; sondheim

bernadette:

from the show:

daily zen:

“The unreal is more powerful than the real,
because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it.
Because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last.
Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die.
But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend,
they can go on and on.”
- Chuck Palahniuk

5 things:

1- joy tea
2- my favorite clothes
3- my new bangs
4- my unbelievable friends
5- my rory

welp yep.

2010-03-03T14:41:00.002-05:00

stasis:

hey blog. busy days- no time to really write. i'm under a little black rain cloud recently and working to get out from under it. so i apologize for any grumpies or blues. today is good tho. i woke up- made breakfast for me& ru, walked to the gym with him- he went to class- i went to the gym- but my membership was cancelled because i hadnt shown them my student id. so i went to show them it to reopen the account & i lost my wildcard. then i figured i'd buy a lock anyway since i needed one and i was there and instead of the $6 it cost- the guy accidentally charged me $647. so- rain cloud. but then i had lunch with bechtel... he's writing a play for the two of us that is BEYOND incredible. i love it so much. and we talked about it and caught up on life. and that was really great and really inspiring. then we printed copies of the play @ uarts & ran into charlie which was also really great. saw ror- bought him a slice of pizza, and walked home. now i need to shower and get out the door to nova where i hope to get my hair dyed and read some homework befroe rehearsal tonight. busy busy busy busy busy. but good.

song of the day:

the world spins madly on- the weepies

zen:

'the only zen you find on the top of mountains is the zen that you bring there.'
-robert pirsig

5 thigns:

1- bechtel
2- smelanie
3- cait
4- jessica
5- rooster

its enough to make you go crazy

2010-03-02T14:10:00.002-05:00

stasis:

okay blog. i'm a bad friend to you. sorry for the absences. life is so out of control-ish lately. i have enjoyed two emotional breakdowns in the past 36 hours- at least three this past week... grad school wears you down i think- and this whole mid-twenties quarter life crisis/ figuring out how to bridge the gap thing makes you loco. and then there's school work, friendships and loved ones to fit in there... so. i'm pulling through if barely at present. today is my day off- almost completely for reals. i got up at 9:30 (slept in a bit) and had a nice Joy tea with soy (still trying to drink *less* coffee... i gave up on *no* coffee) and a piece of the butter/apple cake i made last night. (i *really* missed baking- i mean *really* missed it) then i organized my stuff, made my weekly to do list for this faux "spring break" we're having, answered emails and chatted with my mom on the phone. since then i've been trying to finish this Philosophy of Teaching which is past due (something i never do-- the past due thing.) i must finish it today for my own emotional well being- and i must begin the work for my text book review. i wish upon wish that i could go to the gym.. but there isn't time in the day. ugh. i'm also painfully close to finishing the highlighting/annotating of the "9 Parts..." d-file. i have this week... but... we'll see. i'm breaking to blog because i'm feeling very emotionally connected today so i wanted to touch base with this old friend. also - they announced that they will be producing "a lyrical opera made by two" next spring at uarts. this was such a special show for me when i was there. the story is too long and complicated to tell her.. and in some ways too deeply personal. but seeing it on the docket really shocked me- like physically. i can't believe its been that long. i kept thinking about gertrude & the experience like a best friend or a love that i had that i don't get to see anymore (you know, in my day there was no "youtube" or "facebook"... so the memories are all gone except for what i can remember actively in my mind) so i feel like the giver and i have this precious thing... and anyway- i thought- this must be what its like when your children grow up and leave home. and its important for me- the letting go while not letting go. and i feel very much at peace with it- and happier than i can say that these young artists will get the incomparable chance to work on this beautiful and meaningful piece... but i also feel very deeply emotional about it. all good- just very full. so that's my life lately. busy and emotional. i could go for a swap maybe- nothing to do and nothing to worry about? sounds good, right?? sigh. ah well. maybe in my next life.

song of the day:

"everytime" donovan frankenreiter

daily zen:

"be polite. love with all your might." gertrude stein (a lyrical opera made by two)

OR
(as alex and i discovered after the fact, the actual text...)

"be polite. live with all your might."

(don't tell ms stein but we like ours better)

5 things:

1- mom
2- jessica
3- cait
4- joy tea
5- rory

Mary's 1st Official Music Video!!!!!!!

2010-03-02T10:53:00.001-05:00

This is so incredible. Mary was one of the 12 in my undergraduate class at UArts- so she's a very beloved friend and an insanely talented singer-songwriter, and THIS is her first *official* music video & its INCREDIBLE! I am so ecstatic about it. So- enjoy! and CONRGATS Mary!!!

xoxo

(more info: www.MaryScholz.com)

brilliant.

2010-02-27T21:26:00.001-05:00

o-phelia so bad for yourself!

2010-02-27T00:00:00.001-05:00

good for your soul

2010-02-24T21:27:00.001-05:00

What Was Said to the Rose

What was said to the rose that made it open
was said to me here in my chest.

What was told the Cypress that made it strong
and straight, what was

whispered the jasmine so it is what it is, whatever made
sugarcane sweet, whatever

was said to the inhabitants of the town of Chigil in
Turkestan that makes them

so handsome, whatever lets the pomegranate flower blush
like a human face, that is

being said to me now. I blush. Whatever put eloquence in
language, that's happening here.

The great warehouse doors open; I fill with gratitude,
chewing a piece of sugarcane,

in love with the one to whom every that belongs!

don't let my heart get sore

2010-02-24T17:20:00.002-05:00

stasis:

hi blog. do i remember today? i woke up... around 9? i think. i set my alarm for 7 and i slept in, i know that... it was either 8 or 9 when i got up. and i did the dishes and made myself a bowl of cereal. and worked on my v&f a bit.. brushed my teeth... helped ror get out the door. eventually i cleaned the red room- i guess the living room- and rearranged it so that it felt less like home and more like a coffee shop so i'd be motivated to work harder. (it worked!) inspired by this change, i cleaned all the counters and lit the candles in the house and made loose leaf silver needle tea. (mm) then i read "major barbara" (not my favorite play ever, i'll say that much) then i wrote my ejournal- somewhere in there i talked to both mom & dad. then ror asked if i could bring a computer charger to him at school so he could do his homework (he has a VERY full day today and tomorrow. poor thing is fading fast- his spring break will be *much* needed). so i wrote out the rest of my to-do list and realized i needed some things from out in the world. so i took a walk to cvs (listening to some grand pod-casts on the way) and got things i needed to make dinner (i'm baking ziti, yes i am! and all we needed additionally was parmesan cheese. yes!) and to print things for my MT students (though i forgot paper) and then walked to the starbucks on 16th (where i got a wonderful green tea) to meet rory. gave him his charger and a smooch and walked home. at home, i straightened up the rest of the apartment so everything is very much cleaned up and in its place. i just need to clean the tub- but they didn't have any vinegar at cvs & i need that to combat this mold that keeps coming back -and doesn't respond to kaboom. or lysol. or anything. grr. so now i've blogged and its on to lots more reading & writing some notes for my teaching philosophy (which is due this week), making dinner, some laundry? and wii fit (i would go to the gym but i can monitor my laundry if i wii fit) and yoga? lots lots to do- but i'm feeling lots of motivation. so many people i'm close to are having the best luck and i feel like its in the air. great people who have great chi and karma are reaping benefits of hard work- and so i feel motivated to just keep pressing because maybe it means i'll be reaping soon too. and that is a very happy thought to keep the energy moving forward.

daily zen:

How sad that people ignore the near and search for truth afar.
[Hakuin Ekaku (1685-1768)]

song of the day:

"follow" richie havens

5 things:

1- tea (i am giving up coffee for a while, its just not so good for you)
2- a clean home
3- good readings
4- smelly yankee candles
5- rory

maybe i'm at the fountain...

2010-02-23T13:07:00.003-05:00

stasis:

hey blog. woke up LATE today- meant to be up at 8, instead was up at 8:50... oops. so i had to brush my teeth and run. and of course 76 was backed up- big time. it too me about 45 minutes to get to 476... but when i finally got there- class was wonderful. these students are grand and inspiring. i want to do this for the rest of my life so badly... that's not a whiney thing. its a "lets make this happen." i helped valerie and heidi coach their 1st solos, then checked over the new rep i picked for them with valerie after class, then chatted with marielle, andy & chris a little- then drove home. talked to mom & dad a little. found rory at home- he's under so much pressure right now, the poor chicken. helped him get out the door. talked to ben about my bader readings. send rep list emails- and now i'm going to heat up some lunch, put on warm & dry clothes and make my to do list- then get going with it. rehearsal tonight... then hopefully lost.

tuesdays really are great days- even when its rainy and FREEZING!

song of the day:

"at the fountain" sweet smell of success perf. by brian darcy james

daily zen:

Let go over a cliff,
die completely,
and then come back to life --
after that you cannot be deceived.

Zen Saying

5 things:

1- the incredible talented undergrads in my MT class
2- warm clothes at home
3- time to do work
4- great friends
5- rooster!

this is, quite simply, the truth

2010-02-22T10:03:00.002-05:00

stasis:

hi blog. sorry i missed you most of last week- it was so exciting and stressful and busy. the quick version is: we flew to san diego (by way of a long lay-over in dallas) where we stayed for two days- the first day was arriving, checking in, checking out the city, and the second day was my musical theatre MFA audition @ SDSU, an authentic mexican dinner, seeing their (SDSU's) performance of "birds of paradise" and then kicking around the city one last night- then saturday we got up early, checked out, *stopped for jack in the box* (hooray), returned the car and got to the airport by 10 and didn't leave an airport or airplane again until we were home in philly around 11pm. so a lost day of travel. then yesterday i had annie rehearsal all day, and in the evening rory surprised me with anniversary dinner, an incredible card & beautiful lotion from l'occitane, which we followed up with lots and lots of homework. because we're back in the swing. today i got up at 9:30, cleaned up the dishes from dinner, blogged and now i'm going to make breakfast, work out, read some v&f homework ("playboy of the western world", "ghosts sonata" & "spring's awakening") and finish my work on my shakespearean monologue for its performance(s) this afternoon (henry IV- lady percy). then class @ 4:30 so I have to leave early because i need to drop things off in the mail on the way, and i have to first get stamps. after class, jessica and i are studying for our vision & form exams this week, since hers is tomorrow morning. mine's friday mid-day. like ya do. (i just pray he isn't grumpy for the last person... especially since i haven't been in class the last two weeks because of the snow & our trip) ah well. i found out, though, that next week is spring break. so i feel a little better about life... though it feels like its moving at a snail's pace with all of these mountains of due dates and work to do-- it is actually moving forward. imagine that.

song of the day:

"grow old with me" john lennon

daily zen:

*jessica, this reminded me of our conversation yesterday.

"He who knows others is wise.
He who knows himself is enlightened."
- Tao Te Ching.

5 things:

1- the melting snow
2- my absolutely incredible parents
3- our clean home
4- good good work to do to keep me busy and moving ever forward
5- my love of my life, my best friend ru

the outcome's the outcome (02/18/10)

2010-02-18T10:01:00.002-05:00

stasis:

we're in Dallas! we flew out of PHL this morning @ 6- we had to be there by 5, so we woke up at 4- rough when you get home at 12... eesh. but a wonderful flight. we flew first class & had breakfast on the plane. ror slept for the whole flight and is now sleeping in the airport. we have a 4 hour layover- so i'm going to adventure. then we'll grab lunch- then fly to San Diego! What a FANTASTIC vacation. (with an audition squeezed in there on friday) hello sunshine and warm weather.

daily zen:

"half of the time we're gone and we don't know where."
-simon & garfunkel

song of the day:

"you are the best thing" ray lamontagne

5 things:

1- this amazing opportunity
2- my wonderful parents
3- airplanes & airport
4- sunshine!
5- my love of my life- RORY!

should you forget- let me remind you

2010-02-15T11:15:00.002-05:00

stasis:

i really am so lucky. i have been in a whiney-pants mood for a few days now, you know- the snow... school.. money.. the upcoming mfa audition and all the baggage it carries with it... everything. but this morning i got up before 8am (finally back on schedule!) and did my homework well- or i should say- back to my own standards and not rushed. then i put in a load of laundry because i actually love home-making and rarely give myself permission to take time to do it... then i sat down and read my dearly loved caitlin's new blog and she's such an excellent writer and i started to feel overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. it is SO good. all of it. i have the best friends in the world. the ones i talk to & the ones i never seem to catch up with, the ones i see every day (maybe too much, haha) and the ones that i have to talk to for hours on the phone because i see them less. my family are incredible friends and my fiance is my best friend in the world. and i am so deeply grateful for it. today i'm reminding myself about that. money will work itself out. and no matter what happens between now and may- i will still be living next year- still loving and being loved by these incredible people. so everything really will be okay in the end. deep breaths... and lots of brett dennen. that's how i get through. that and lots and lots and lots of gratitude.

song of the day:

"don't forget" brett dennen

daily zen:

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
-henry ellis

5 things:

1- Rory's snuggie
2- challenging homework
3- my upcoming audition
4- my beautiful, incredible family of friends
5- my rory. with all my heart.

woke him up hard

2010-02-12T13:41:00.001-05:00

stasis:

my cait inspired me. i'm remembering to write today. so- this morning i woke up to bu calling me to tell me that we had another snow day today. then i made myself coffee and breakfast and headed out into the icy city to have my voice lesson with mary ellen. lesson was good. then i walked home- passed ror on the street on the way home, which was nice- then i got home and cleaned the house, top to bottom, did four loads of laundry, worked on my epic theatre powerpoint, highlighted my 9 parts d-file, then i made myself some lunch, did tons of dishes, watched a wonderful documentary "the business of being born" all about midwifery in the us- then i was supposed to meet up with cait & derrick to bowl- but this snow!!!! i walked to rittenhouse and waited for the bus which was soooooo late, about 20 minutes late. then when it got there it was full... so .. i took my little frozen toesies to barnes and noble to try to thaw and just couldn't shake the chill- and since it was late anyway- i texted my loafmanns to sadly bail and then trekked back home in the cold. now i'm home in the warmt, enjoying another documentary called "america the beautiful" and having a nice cozy date night with myself. "annie" rehearsal in the am.

and that's that.

song of the day:

"the way you look tonight" as sung by the beautiful mr buble

daily zen:

I do not cut my life up into days but my days into lives, each day, each hour, an entire life.
- Juan Ramon Jimenez

5 things:

1- netflicks documentaries
2- my warm home
3- cranberry juice
4- the beautiful loafmanns
5- my beloved fiance

spoke in exclamations!

2010-02-10T11:59:00.002-05:00

stasis:

hi blog. i woke up about an hour ago- it's blizzarding today.. did you know that? i'll include a picture. we got over two feet of snow friday into saturday and it hasn't even melted a smidge and last night we started getting more snow- and it was laying on the old snow- so it's all sticking. when i woke up this morning it was sleeting- you know.. just for fun... so there's some ice in there too now.. and now its back to heavy heavy snowfall. they're calling for 18-24 inches again today. so villanova is closed... which is grand for my pals and boring for me because i don't go to school on wednesdays and i didn't have 'annie' tonight... ah well. maybe we'll get tomorrow too! the good news is that uarts is also closed today so i get a ror home with me all day. i'm writing my bader paper today- on romanticism... he was right too- its a fun paper to write because everything is so intense and dark and passionate and dramatic. so to help i'm listening to this incredible new cd i downloaded that i am obsessed with: "bach: the cello suites" by yo yo ma. so good. i can't recommend it enough- if you're into that kind of music. so this is my day. hopefully when rory gets up he will make pancakes and then we will clean up a bit and then a very full day of writing and reading and enjoying being home together. it really is a great day.

song of the day:

"Solo for Cello #1 in G Major, BWV 1007: 1, Prelude" Yo Yo Ma

daily zen:

GUIL: A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself. (1.175)

5 things:

1-this beautiful paper to write
2- my incredible mother
3- my incredible father
4- my beautiful sister
5- rory

to bring the message home

2010-02-09T15:35:00.002-05:00

stasis:

hey blog. tired today. tired tired day. in fact, i'm blogging then napping. and that's just how that goes. this morning i got up at 7 because i had an assistants and scholars meeting at school at 9:30 before TAing the musical theatre class at 10. these are not friendly theatre-people hours. oh- but might i add that today in class the students showed myself and valerie the dance that she taught them for the Dream Ballet from Oklahoma- except they like to perform it to a Lady Gaga song. yep. never thought we'd see the day. it was rather wonderful tho. anyway. then i went with ben to get the prop rifles from west storage for our rehearsals this week. then i drove home (very carefully... because of course philly is not all dug out yet...) once home, i made a little lunch, read my beloved pal Alex's new insanely good play that he's writing for us to do (did i mention- insanely good), and worked diligently on my upcoming bader paper- due friday. i also did the dishes. now i'm done with my outline and have picked out all my quotes and i need a nap. so i'm going to have one... and then wake up and put the pieces of the paper together. and then LOST tonight (!!!!)- and supposedly some snow... but i'll believe that when i see it.

song of the day:

"snow miser" - the year without a santa claus*

* featuring my fiance as the heat miser... what? they have the exact same hair.

daily zen:

No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap.
~Carrie Snow

5 things:

1. my water bottle
2. my pal ben
3. my pal jessica
4. my pal wee-yum
5. LOST (LOST LOST LOST LOST)

... and Rory. of course. always. and with all my love. but after three years, i guess y'all know that by now. its good to remember.

stand a little closer to me..

2010-02-07T11:14:00.003-05:00

stasis:

so to make a long story short- we got a blizzard this week. so its been strange. today. i slept too late. somehow my phone was on ror's side of the bed, so i thought it was his alarm going off (which is silly because he doesn't set those on weekends) so i let him hit snooze for two hours before i realized it was mine and i meant to get up earlier. ah, well. i finally got out of bed around 10, put away our clean dishes and made myself a nice bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee. then i went around gathering the things i would need for today's homework plan, and wrote myself a to do list for homeworks for today. and then i finished scanning my shakespeare monologue, and now i'm blogging and then down to business. and that's really it. i have lots on my to do list today so that's what i will probably do all day. and yes i know its superbowl sunday- but no i'm not really invested in it. i'd like to see the saints win because, well number one- everyone in the world wants those sweet little saints to win and number two- i'm from baltimore.... we're not so keen on the colts anymore. so that's that. not much to say but lots to do. smell you later blog.

song of the day:

"samson" regina spektor

daily zen:

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
The mind is everything. What we think we become
-buddha

5 things:

1- our clean, warm home
2- our groceries
3- my motivation (when it decides to show up ... usually in bursts)
4- the snow
5- my rory- my best friend and the love of my life

you can thank me later. enjoy.

2010-02-03T14:09:00.001-05:00

and she keeps callin' me back again...

2010-02-02T17:59:00.004-05:00

stasis:

no time to write- but what a grand day. up late & basically ran to school with my hair on fire, as valerie puts it. talked to dad on skype tho which was nice. at school i gave my first quiz and flubbed a lesson in beating a song for actions... oh well. i'm gonna make a handout that should right that oops. then i looked over the quizzes, chatted with jessica, made some photocopies, chatter with dr. j & drove home. once home i cleaned up, made lunch, read the states reading, chatted with mom, chatted with em, took a bath, did wii fit till i was tired, started "he who gets slapped", chatted with dad & em, read through 'riding the bull' again, painted my nails, talked to ian about rehearsal, and now i'm making dinner and going to finish the play before bull rehearsal. then- LOST. (i know. i KNOW!) and that's that.

daily zen:

"that which was, is.
that which is, will be."

russian proverb

song of the day:

"paperback writer" beatles

5 things:

1- my family & especially on skype
2- the bedfords & great plays
3- teaching musical theatre & lady valerie joyce
4- LOST (LOST LOST LOST LOST LOST)
5- my rooster love

my happy thought

2010-02-02T00:27:00.000-05:00

these are long days. this is my happy thought:

medea tech weekend- enjoy

2010-01-31T00:08:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdRE86m7LVo

2010-01-27T18:31:00.003-05:00

"I am a work of art even though I am not one. I have nothing to commend myself as art except the fact that I have been dumped here, where you have been taught to see things artfully: here you see rubble rubbly. Unlike the fire extinguisher on the wall above me, I am art only because I seem to be advertised as art (why else am I here?), while the fire extinguisher is advertised only as a requirement of the safety code (though my presence in its vicinity perhaps makes you think twice about that). What I am, in fact, is not important. What is important is that I come from outside art: I hoover between actuality and possibility; I am an unforeseen exaggeration of the matter of art."

bert o. states

you have made your world mine

2010-01-25T12:01:00.002-05:00

stasis:

good morning blog-- or rather- grey and rainy morning to you. its icky outside. the wind is not just howling but like whipping and slashing- it is practicing laban you could say. but its not cold, so that's something. so i was up rather late reading these genuinely endless bader readings this week and doing laundry- we had to run the dryer twice on each load and the second load was done before rory got home with more quarters so it sat on the drying rack, then got dried and was still damp, so it sat out on the rack again overnight... eesh- anyway- needless to say- i slept in a bit this morning. i wanted to get up and read but it just wasn't in the cards. i got up around 10, made coffee and my last waffle till friday (we're moving onto eggs or oatmeal) and drove rory to his rehearsal for "Vintage" (the gala/cabaret thing he's performing in tonight for jeremiah's Philly Music Theatre Works) (muy exciting, i'm sad i won't see it b/c of styles & annie call backs). then when i got home i practiced my autotheatre two or three times, then took a nice shower, got dressed and blow dried my hair a little, then i responded to some emails, and now i'm going to get down to work work- reading many (MANY) readings, then driving to school by way of the bank and the post office (mailing more request for transcript forms b/c uarts is old school and works by a paper trail.. love you uarts, and my application for the wilma's education fellowship and my supplementary materials for Boston U's mfa in theater education- yep, i applied to that yesterday)... then styles- which should be really fun, then annie calls backs. its all moving forward. also i picked my SDSU audition songs officially- since i had to tell them my selections in advance. they are:

"Where is the warmth" (the baker's wife)

"gooch's song" (mame)

alright blog. enough- there's work to be done. stay dry and don't get blown away today!

daily zen:

Changing your mind
is one of the best ways of finding out
whether or not you still have one.

-- Taylor Mali.

song of the day:

"fixing a hole" bealtes

5 things:

1- clean clothes
2- motivation (keep it comin'!!)
3- my beautiful relationship with my beautiful family
4- art
5- rory

you've come a long way

2010-01-24T11:08:00.004-05:00

stasis:

hey blog. woosh. i turned off my alarm in my sleep so many times this morning that i finally woke up when i realized that i was actually silencing phone calls not turning off the alarm. oh... geez. and because of this i slept thought my wonderful and nerdy book club (oh which i am a part) where we talk about theory and analysis of plays sans grade or pay... anyway. now i'm awake. i cleaned the dishes, made coffee and a waffle, fixed our nesting sisters blog, chatted with my dad & ror's mama, and now i'm doing this before settling in for some serious homeworking. maybe in my nest chair today- it is a very productive spot. i think i will take a few steps toward my future today too- finish some internship/fellowship applications. and meeting up with my dad later on for parallel play maybe and certainly coffee and late lunch. and defninitely going to the gym because i was away all day yesterday. today will be a great day. i just decided so.

daily zen:

"Enough.
These few words are enough,
if not these words, this breath...
If not this breath, this sitting.
This opening to the life we have refused again and again until now.
Until now.
In this moment of epiphany.
This opening to the life we have refused again and again until now."
- david whyte

song of the day:

"dear mr president" p!nk & the indigo girls

5 things:

1- my incredible friends: UArts, Nova & otherwise
2- my wonderful family
3- my wonderful donovan family
4- good work to enjoy doing. i am not making lattes today.
5- rory. love of my life

got the better of me

2010-01-22T12:54:00.003-05:00

stasis:

i think i have IBS. actually at the moment i'm rather convinced of it. since the new year, i've been waking up with wretching abdominal pain. i don't like it. to say the least. usually about half way through the day is slowly and gradually begins to let up. and that's how it has been. today in my pain, i was thinking about when they diagnosed em with chrones disease how the doctor asked my mom if anyone in our family might have had a history of it- and she remembered that pretty much everyone in multiple generations on both sides of our family has had either chrones, ulcerative colitis or ibs. so... this is my guess. i looked it up online and all you can do is change your diet and maybe take some medicine and maybe talk to someone about it. so i'm gonna go ahead and change my diet (even more than i already have) and see where that takes me. anyway. this is the fun of the morning today.

so. i woke up this morning around 5 to find that i had taken my new mouth guard out in my sleep and was holding it in my hand... not stopping my teeth grinding that way is it. oh, kati. so i went back to sleep till around 9:30, woke up. made myself coffee and a waffle, read the january 'real simple' magazine, did some various hole punching and putting things into binders, checked my email, and got the tummy ache. now i'm watching "the soloist" and resting my tums on the couch. plans are to highlight the annie script, finish reading style chapters, memorize my poem, read some v&f theory, clean up a bit, cook lunch somewhere in there, and then games with cait & d. tomorrow morning is my mom's cousin jeanie's funeral. she died just a few days ago. i don't want to really say much about it in here... anyway- i'm going home for the funeral tomorrow morning- so i may or may not blog. apologies in advance. anyway. that's today. that's friday.

song of the day:

"Adagio Cantabile- Allegro Vivace from Cello Sonata in A, Op. 69"- Miklos Perenyi

daily zen:

“Every human being is the author of her own health or disease.”

-buddha

(this is what emmy's tattoo says)

5 things:

1- my health
2- time
3- friends
4- family
5- rory

rock your soul

2010-01-20T23:26:00.002-05:00

stasis:

i'm feeling covetous today. i do not want to do my readings, i am not in the mood to go to school tomorrow (even though its a fun and full day). all i want to do is have the school-free life that some of my friends already have. so i'm blogging about my gratitude to wash it all away. all things in time kati lady- and you're four months away from graduation- and even if its not an MFA or Phd.. its an MA. so you're not going to live in the street. and you can have a beautiful wedding, and see your friends, and clean your house and have a life. soon. all things in time. sigh.

until then- today i woke up and did my e-journal; made lunch for myself & rory; talked to valerie on the phone; drove to nova & saw the doctor about my ear (swimmers ear from my headphones at the gym- yeowch) and told them i was there whenever j needed me (my jessica danced with death today by way of a terrible hideous virus). then i went to starbucks and did homework to wait for j; when she was ready i picked her up and drove her home where i tucked her into her couch sleeping spot and chatted with her till she got sufficiently drowsy and left her to nap. came home and cleaned the house, made dinner, worked on TA work for MT and read 'the prince of homburg' (blech). then ror and i watched modern family and i answered some emails and now i'm going to do more reading in bed. eventually sleep, and i'll get up early in the morning to make breakfast/lunch & dinner for tomorrow's long day... and that's that.

it is a grateful day. deep breaths and gratitude. lots of it.

song of the day:

"this year's love" david gray

( i cannot express how deeply i love this song )

daily zen:

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.

~Friedrich Nietzsche

5 things:

1- Rory's fu manchoo --- or as i call it- his hillbilly face... and i guess the rest of him too.
2- my jessica
3- our clean house & full kitchen
4- good homework
5- my family

nobody said it was easy

2010-01-17T12:19:00.003-05:00

stasis:

i'm loving that title today, no? i'm in the part of my life where you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and trusting. there's not much i can do- i mean i apply to all the things i need to, and then i just do all the work and wait. its easy enough on paper, but quite hard in practice. this is what yoga and the gym are for, its what naps and good poetry are for, good friends, family and my rory... and of course blueberry waffles. of course. anyway. i'm up. i thought it was super late this morning, but it was only 11:30 (i know thats late for me, but with the rain i thought i had missed the ENTIRE day)- so i made myself breakfast and synched my phone, updated my & emmie's blog and checked my emails and responded etc... now i'm blogging oh so briefly before diving head first into a big homework day. somewhere in here i will be going to the gym-but i have a LOT of work to do between hither and thither. but i also have this whole day to do it luckily. its a strange and unsure liminal time... these couple of months... but i can live in the not knowing because they are also wonderful, wonderful days.

song of the day:

"here i dreamt i was an architect" the decemberists

daily zen:

"nobody said it was easy"
-coldplay

5 things:

1- my family
2- my donovan family
3- the gym
4- days off
5- my rory

for contentment...

2010-01-15T10:54:00.003-05:00

stasis:

i was thinking about this this morning- and, yes, this is what makes me so painfully nerdy- when i blog about blogging... isn't that me metablogging? i warned you it was nerdy. anyway. woke up this morning a little late, but not painfully so. i think it was about 9:30, alarm was set for 8:18... i'm getting there. so i woke up and cleaned the dishes from last night (i made some little noodles in spaghetti sauce with cut up sausage, before i realized that it was basically adult spaghetti-o's), then i made myself some breakfast, checked my emails and did a little business (got my paper ready for submission for this summer's ATHE conference... which is in LA... ooOOoo.) then i talked to my pops on the phone for a good little while, took all of the x-mas music off of my iPhone, and now i'm blogging. obviously. next on the docket, i'm thinking a shower? then today is a kati & pops day- we were going to go to the art museum but planned it foolishly and so instead we're making a parallel play day, which is good since we're both painfully busy people. so that's really it. a day of family and homework. and its technically ror's last day of vacation today (of course he's off on MLK day... but that's a national holiday and does not count)- so that's that too.

ps- he cleaned and reorganized our house yesterday and it looks incredible. i really am so lucky to have this guy. he's such a wonderful person and so, so good to me.

daily zen:

I arise in the morning torn
between a desire to improve the world
and a desire to enjoy the world.
This makes it hard to plan the day.
~Elwyn Brooks White

song of the day:

"What Can I Say" - Brandi Carlile

& additionally "The Story" because i ADORE this song. its so, so good.

& finally we can't have a Brandi day without including her wonderful cover of "I've Just Seen a Face"... because you know i'm an insatiable Beatles fanatic!

5 things:

1- my little sister
2- my beautiful jessica... okay she's smart too
3- my wonderful katie mama
4- my wonderful mama glor & pops
5- my rory.

look in my eyes

2010-01-13T21:01:00.003-05:00

stasis:

woof. today i woke up and was instantly sick and stayed sick most of the day. i don't know what i ate or didn't eat or- as i'm guessing- didn't clean my water bottle out enough?? but it knocked the life out of me. i got well enough to be a citizen again around 1:30 and so i went out and picked my beautiful boots up from the cobbler who gave them new life (thanks dad!!) and then met up with wonderful, wonderful friends that i never ever see enough of: dawn (who is currently getting her MFA in directing in London and i'm muy jealous- she ADed HAIR and directed Debbie Does Dallas the Musical) and Caitlin (my newly married college roomate and one of the most crucial rocks in my foundation)- there was some serious love at this lunch. we ended up talking for hours in "gay cosi" aka cosi on 12th- and then cait drove me to my car where i met ror and we drove to the fed ex place where i picked up my package of books for styles (which is grand since i have homework to read in them!) and then we drove to wilmington where the incredible katie mama treated us to wonderful dinner at our favorite restaurant in the entire universe, la toltecca. mmm. now i'm home again and still feeling a bit sick, but generally warm all over and happy with gratitude overflowing. tomorrow is gonna be a great day. i can feel it. until then- i have lots of reading to do tonight. so i'm gonna draw myself a nice, hot, lavender scented bubble bath and get to reading. maybe have some hot tea? it'll be grand.

song of the day:

"32 Flavors" Ani DiFranco (an oldie but a goodie)

daily zen:

"if i owned a world i would give it to you"

-victor hugo's hernani, act 3, scene 4

5 things:

1- beautiful caitlin & beautiful dawn
2- wonderful katie mama
3- my incredible parents- i'm so lucky
4- my smart & beautiful sister
5- my eternal beloved, rory. he's very nice.

2010-01-11T21:49:00.003-05:00

supposing i dreamed this)
only imagine,when day has thrilled
you are a house around which
i am a wind-

your walls will not reckon how
strangely my life is curved
since the best he can do
is to peer through windows,unobserved

-listen,for(out of all
things)dream is noone’s fool;
if this wind who i am prowls
carefully around this house of you

love being such,or such,
the normal corners of your heart
will never guess how much
my wonderful jealousy is dark

if light should flower:
or laughing sparkle from
the shut house(around and around
which a poor wind will roam

well, its your own trip

2010-01-11T14:27:00.002-05:00

stasis:

hi blog. not much time to write. i need to accomplish things- and i need to leave here in about half an hour. eesh. i woke up late- this new, incredible bed & warm blanket thing is dangerous. also having rory home made me want to snuggle in all day... sigh. but eventually i got up (10:30ish) and made coffee and breakfast, sat a the computer and got some (SOME) work done, then i showered and R & i met ben & chris for a little cheapy lunch in the city since they were prop shopping here. now i'm home and finishing up what work i can before having to run out for day one of my last semester at Nova. rory is watching a documentary on woodstock which is making a beautiful soundtrack to my work. we were supposed to see our newly wed loafmanns tonight- but i have a BUTTLOAD of work to do for tomorrow- so we will be postponing that. which i hate to do. but tomorrow is the first day of mt class (which i am ta-ing) and i need to prepare and choreograph for the dance part of class, and i need to finish cutting and timing my paper for the conference which is tomorrow (eesh!) and since class is at 10 tuesday- i don't have time tuesday morning to finish it... so it will all be done tonight. busy semester already busy. but it can be done. alright. off to work!!!! here we go!!

daily zen:

"the "soul mate paradox"~ a word that i am so allergic to at this point, the idea of the dream of finding a soul mate, the dream of completion through another person... i refuse to burden my current husband with the obligation of completing me. i've taken that responsibility for myself..." ~elizabeth gilbert

song of the day:

"Handsome Johnny" - Richie Havens @ Woodstock '69

5 things:

1- school
2- school friends
3- our amazing new set up at home-- with my new office!
4- my beautiful mother
5- my rory love

from the same

2010-01-10T11:32:00.003-05:00

stasis:

good morning blog! so ror is in nyc this weekend with his pals chris & goose- so i slept all by myself in our bed last night-- which was chilly and of course i missed him.. but i also slept like a starfish. so that was extremely wonderful. i made a pillow person where he sleeps so i would remember him. got the idea from em who did that the other day when ky was in virginia- and in j's directing scene of course. i set my alarm for 8.. but alas from sleeping without the heat on (it makes our home so so dusty) i woke up and was nice & warm in my blanket, but the apartment was freezing.. so i stayed in bed until 10:30. oops. then i got up and turned the heat on and went to take a shower to help jump start the warming up process, and the light wouldn't come on in the bathroom... so strangely enough i took a shower in the dark. ah well. stranger still... the light works fine now... i dunno... then i made myself coffee and breakfast and cleaned up the apartment so mom will be proud when she gets here. i made sure to empty the bathroom trash... because i'm a grown up, and that's what they do. so now i'm highlighting/annotating until she gets here- very soon. and of course, blogging. later today ror and i are going to zales to pick up my ring which we had sized down finally-- turns out my fingers are only a 5.5... strange how little my fingers and feet are... ah well. did i mention i lost like two pounds on lose it so far? i should meet my goal weight by sept 1st it says. that's kinda grand. uhm. yep. that's it. life is good. lots of work... but that's life, right? i have completely mailed my applications for SDSU and Towson- so that work is done... and I'm thinking about Exeter- but I have more work to do before I can apply. so we'll see. other things to do at the moment. like... everything else. i'm rambling so this is done. bye!

song of the day:

"hope for me yet" marc broussard

THIS one is incredible.

daily zen:

That which was fixed, moves;
The hard becomes soft.
The earth is like waves,
My house like a boat.
A time of dread, but also of charm:
Wind bells chime without rest,
Though there's no wind

- Kokan shiren (1278-1346)

5 things:
1- mom
2- ror
3- new dresses
4- coffee
5- lose it

ror and roarability

2010-01-08T12:32:00.002-05:00

stasis:

hey blog. its chilly in my house. very. well, it did snow this morning- i woke up and our xmas tree (which is residing on the porch until trash day) had beautiful snow on all the branches! very romantical. but also luckily the sun has come out and melted most to all of it. so i woke up and cleaned some things up around the house, signed up for the new "lose it" ap on the iphone that my dad is obsessed with (it helps you keep a food and exercise log and tracks your weight loss), so i also had to fire up the ol wii fit to weigh myself- which was hideous but not as bad as i was expecting. i like to dramatize things in my head, see. then i made coffee and burnt egg whites- which rory is remaking for me now. i talked to my mom on the phone and we filled in the final question on my towson application which is getting mailed about one hour from now! hooray!! then i came into the living room and did some general computering around while watching sense & sensibility and waiting for rory to wake up. i charged my phone and did some work on my & em's blog, and worked a bit on editing my swiws paper for tuesday's symposium. now i'm going to highlight one or two articles in my 9 parts dfile, eat the new eggs, shower and head out for the day. we're going to nova to do a favor for the mt class i'm ta-ing, and we need to go to the post office of course, and the bank, the grocery store, zales to send my ring to be resized so it won't fall off, and then home to go to the gym!!!! hooray!!! this is a good, if cold, day. did i mention i slept FOR EVER last night? i did. good good day.

daily zen:

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth.
~Ludwig Börne

song of the day:

"i was just thinking" teitur

5 things:

1- time
2- good artistic work to do that inspires me
3- my sister
4- my new "lose it" ap- hooray!
5- the sleeping rory monster

if you ever turn around-

2010-01-06T23:15:00.003-05:00

stasis:

i know, i know. do you know how busy i've been??? eesh. so. thing one. i'm presenting my paper tuesday @ the PTRS (philadelphia research symposium) hooray!!!! (are you happy now my jessica?) thing two- i completely finished my towson application, and if i may say so myself- it is slammin! they're fools not to take me. do you know i'm wicked smart? that's what jessica says anyway. and i usually take her word for things. so- we missed some days for various reasons- recap: my eternally beloved caitlin, most beautiful and wonderful college roomate and extremely dear friend got married to one of the best guys on the planet derick on jan 2nd- which was super smart of them because, as she pointed out to me the next day, it was a palindrome: 01-02-2010. yes. also i had my 26th birthday. which was grand. we had room service birthday cake, ice skating, a plane ride and a surprise visit from mom and dad that made me so happy that i burst into tears. i'm a hot mess but a very happy and very grateful one.

so today. we took tylenol pm last night (our last ones) because i was having on and off panic attacks yesterday about life and the amount of work piling up and the due dates encroaching.. so we slept well and very very soundly in our new bed -- yep. we had bed bugs. gross. but now we have an incredible new bed with new pillows and sheets and blankets- its a real dream come true. (thanks mom & dad) so i woke up late thanks to the pms and took a nice bath and cleaned up the place a little and woke rory up just as emmy & kyle were arriving!! they came up and ky got to see the place for the first time- then em & i moved her car to a great spot on 17th/washington, then the four of us headed out for adventure. we went to anthro and the tea store- em did exchanges and we got dad some tea, and i got some nail polish (i feel like a real girl!!!). then we went to the gap (em & ky got me a gift card for my birthday!!) and they got some new shirts and i got myself a snazzy pair of black chuck taylors and got rory a stripey sweater for $6!! can you believe it? then we all had a nice "lingering" lunch at pietros- em called it that because she wanted to eat slowly and thaw out from the cold. she's very dear. then we walked home by way of the metropolitan bakery and got coffee/tea/sweeties. at home we played trivial pursuit and rory won... he always- always wins. then em, ky & i went to trader joe's for some groceries and i drove them to their car and they left for home and i came back and put away the goodies and rory made a wonderful dinner of spanish rice, root veggies and sausage, while i wrote my artistic statement of purpose and finished my towson application- which is now 100% ready to be mailed in the am. hooray! now i'm enjoying my big water bottle of cold water.. and i guess i'll take some 9 parts reading to bed with me where i can highlight and annotate it... or bader. ugh. its too soon to be reading boring fergusson articles again already. ugh ugh. but ah well. j'aime bien le academia.

song of the day:

Caitlin & Derick's wedding song!

"I'm Yours" Jason Mraz

daily zen:

“The only Zen you find on tops of mountains is the Zen you bring there”
-robert m pirsig

5 things:

1- em & ky
2- my big beautiful blue water bottle
3- my incredible new birthday clothes & shoes!
4- the completion of my towson application!
5- rory- i just simply adore him.

a difference in opinion

2009-12-30T12:52:00.002-05:00

stasis:

hi blog. good afternoon. sadly this is my morning. i was up SO SO late last night doing the file for "9 Parts of Desire"-- but it is getting there, which is GRAND. so i overslept and got up at noon. oh, i blush to even say it. tonight i'm going to take tylenol pms and go to bed at a respectable hour and get up at a respectable hour. i love my mornings, and i really do get sad when i miss them. so enough of this night owl crap. i'm much much more productive in the early am than the late pm anyway. so this morning i got up, talked to dad and mom, made myself a waffle and coffee (and a soy sausage! mmm) and came into the red room to blog and check my emails, talked to my friend ben and now i'm watching sesame street while i eat breakfast. today's plan is to complete the visual file and the production history for 9 Parts. also dad will be in philly tonight so he said he will stop by at some point, which should be grand. we're good at parallel play- he can work on some work and i can work on my file. maybe dinner too.. we have lots of good groceries. anyway. these are the days folks. i'm hoping to get a good long city walk in at some point today too- it was part of my waking up earlier plan that didn't pan out... but my right knee is a mess and so it is important to keep it moving.

and in other news... i'm starting a new blog. (don't worry, i'll still write in this one- at the very least i need to keep track of my gratitude, oui?) My sister and I are starting a blog in the style of the book "A Year of Mornings" that she bought me for x-mas. It was started by two friends- one in Portland, MA and one in Portland, OR. They each posted one picture every morning. So since we live in different cities and lead different lives, our blog should have some appeal... at very least we'll enjoy it and it will be something to show the kids one day. :-)

we're starting January 1st. I'll send the information here when I know it.

daily zen:

I am a part of all that I have met.

~Alfred Lord Tennyson

5 things:

1- time
2- coffee with soy
3- our clean home
4- my family
5- my rory

i'm every other week

2009-12-27T11:06:00.002-05:00

stasis:

"i'm awake. relax."- rory

oh blog. i woke up this morning with san diego on my brain in a very serious way. i need to spend time this xmas break (you know between the travel and wedding and d-file and prep for mat class, and homework and prep for Annie) picking repertoire for the audition. i want to go there so badly it makes me good nervous to even think about thinking about it. i went on the webpage and looked at all the classes that they offer and it felt like christmas morning! i mean- research & bibliography for musical theater????! they are speaking my language! they also offer this great version of mt history- where you take a standard 2 semester mt history- chronologically surveying the genre, but you also concurrently take a musical theatre history lab where you analyze librettos and scores chronologically!!! how cool is that???! anyway- i'll jinx my life if i talk about it too much more... but sometimes you just know where you're supposed to be. a little story- when i was applying to undergrads i didn't even think to apply to uarts. i had my heart set on ccm, and boston and cmu as back ups. i went to the cincy audition and got physically typed out (story of my life) and then we did the unifieds in NYC- and i did really well with all the schools there but something didn't feel finished, and i went down to shenandoah and did really well there but it wasn't right... and then a friend of a teacher of a friend that had helped me with monologues said- you should go to uarts. i said- what is uarts? but we figured since it was a short little drive we'd go up and audition on a whim- no real interest, no expectations- but when we got there and i walked into the school for the first time i knew. i auditioned for Rick (an amazing mentor of mine now) and Forrest... whose reputation speaks for itself- and i walked out of the building and right up to my mom and said no matter what i HAD to go there. i just knew. it was where i was meant to be. this feels like that.

but enough jinxing the fates.

this morning my mom woke me up at 10:45 (ugh!) we sleep in the basement here so there isn't enough light to wake you up naturally, see. and she and i had breakfast together- english muffins and coffee- and talked about the details of the San Diego trip. then i fiddled on the computer a little as i mentioned above. then em & ky came home and dad came downstairs and they had breakfast. then rory came up stairs and had his and now we're getting ready to head to wilmington for the day- and then believe it or not- our fateful trip to Philly this evening. home again home again as they say. lots lots lots to do. and not a lots of time in which to do it. but we will manage. we always do. happy liminal week between xmas and new years and my birthday!

daily zen:

IF you're afraid of being grabbed by God, don't look at a wall.
Definitely don't sit still.

-Jiyu Kennett (Essential Zen)

5 things:

1-family time at home(s)
2- all of these wonderful academic chances ahead of me
3- incredible friends back in philly
4- a very generous christmas- we are fortunate beyond fortunate
5- the love of my life: rory

Mommy... He Can Fly Now.

2009-12-25T13:15:00.003-05:00

Stasis:

Alright. I've been a terrible blogger. but I'm better now, I swear. I will write every day. I promise. So- Happy Christmas! My family decided to celebrate on the 23rd this year- yeah we're a mess- Emmy & Kyle spent the holiday in Virginia with his family and so they had to leave Maryland yesterday around 2pm... so we decided to do a big dinner and then open presents the night of the 23rd. Then yesterday we spent lots of good time at home- played Rumicube with my mom, i worked on my post grad applications, then we packed up the car and headed down to the christmas eve party at aunt pam's house, saw my family and then before too late we piled back into the car, and drove to wilmington where we spent the rest of the night with the donovan family. rory and i fell asleep on the couch with the tree lit and the fire roaring... it was grand. so this morning we woke up maybe around 7 ish? and moved from the couch to a bed upstairs and slept in for a few hours. then we came downstairs and did presents and a big family breakfast. then ror and i went up stairs and he took a nice long nap while i edited my See What I Wanna See essay for my applications and found and edited my Manifesto from last year to include as well. I think tomorrow or sunday i'm going to just print a copy of each of my written works and make a portfolio to take with me when i go to these interviews. might be easier. annnnyway. now polly & i are watching 'amazing stories' (i got them for ror on dvd for xmas) and then at 2:30 we're leaving for xmas dinner at mema's. and i'm distracted and not paying attention anymore so i'll stop blogging for now. i'll write tomorrow i promise.

Daily Zen:

Things are not what they appear to be: nor are they otherwise.
-Surangama Sutra

5 Things:

1- Time to write and apply
2- Family in many states
3- 2 generous and loving Christmases
4- Polly & Max's March 2011 Bali Wedding!!!!!! (and in turn my & ror's early honeymoon)
5- my soulmate & best friend- Rory

Rudolph & Queer Theory

2009-12-19T14:24:00.005-05:00

R & I are watching Rudolph... and I made some remark about Herbie being queer- as in representing queer theory.. and so I hopped on the ever beloved google- and true 'nuff...

the theory exists!!
early gift from me to you.
enjoy:

Queering Santa’s Workshop
January 15, 2009 — Michael K. Johnson
Queering Santa’s Workshop: Gender, Difference, and Elfnicity in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

How does one account for the popularity of the story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Clearly, this rather absurd tale of a ruddy-nosed quadruped speaks to us on some deep level, but what is it saying? and why are we listening?

As you will no doubt recall, Rudolph is “the most famous reindeer of all,” made famous not by his heroic nose-glowing sled-guiding as the story would have it but rather by the fictional account of that feat in a song called “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” first recorded by Gene Autry in 1949, a song that became so popular that, according to Wikipedia, it has now sold more copies than all the editions of the Bible ever published combined with the total record sales of the Beatles, Michael Jackson, and Madonna.

However, I should state from the outset that this essay is not concerned with the Gene Autry version of the story. Rather, my discussion will privilege the Rudolph story as presented in the 1964 claymation animated television special (the Burl Ives Rudolph, as a number of scholars call it). I recognize that such privileging of one text over another needs justification, and perhaps extensive footnoting, if not excessive use of parentheses, brackets, and colons [and be rest assured: I plan to use all three (3)].

I certainly would agree that the song deserves serious critical discussion, not only the famous Autry interpretation of the song, and particularly the performative elements of that interpretation [not to mention how Autry’s persona as a “singing cowboy” might have shaped the audience’s response (particularly if we consider the narrative within the context of the genre of the western) to that performance], but also the song itself as text, as ecriture, not just as a piece of music waiting to be performed but as an always already complete yet infinite piece (and, by “piece,” of course, I mean “whole”) rich and rewarding in itself before the first note is played. However, although the song pre-dates the animated special, I feel that the combination of visual and musical motifs make the television show the richest text for critical examination.

To refamiliairize ourselves with the basic “story” of Rudolph, we should note that Rudolph, from the beginning, is marked by his difference, by his red nose. As the text of the song states, “you could even say it glows.” The other reindeer do not have such noses, and although we might argue that in a more enlightened society, such a minor physical difference as a glowing red nose would be hardly more notable than, say, a sixth finger or an extra horn growing from the forehead, the culture of the North Pole is not so enlightened as our own.

As Rudolph himself asks, “just because my nose glows, why don’t I fit in?” And it’s a darn good question, but Rudolph’s difference is viewed as a deformity so extreme as to justify his exclusion “from all their reindeer games.”

Life at the North Pole (and we should note that the “pole” is just the first of many phallic signifiers in the masculinized culture of the, er, Pole) is dominated by several patriarchal figures: a grouchy Santa—the Father figure whose name gives meaning to the symbolic order he has founded at the North Phallus, er, Pole; the Head Elf, who essentially runs an elven sweatshop and inculcates the other elves into the dominant ideology (teaching them to sing, for example, “We are Santa’s Elves,” in which they cheerfully embrace their subaltern status: can the subaltern speak? we might ask instead, can the subaltern carry a tune?).

Then we have Donner, Rudolph’s uptight father, who hopes to attain approval from his symbolic father (Santa) by providing Old Saint Nick with another male “descendent,” a continuation of the patriarchal line; and Comet, the coach and testosterone-infused leader (“My job is to make bucks of you”) of the so-called “reindeer games” (and it should be noted that engaging in these games, according to Rudolph’s young companion, Fireball, will “make antlers grow”—all in keeping with the phallocentric culture of the North Pole).

All these patriarchs work to suppress difference. “You’ll be a normal buck just like everybody else,” insists Donner, recognizing that within the symbolic order of the North Pole Rudolph’s nose will signify a lack of masculine control and power. Thus he instructs Rudolph to hide his nose beneath a layer of mud and repress his difference.

Donner hopes Rudolph will be “a chip off the old antlers,” but he finds the red nose unmanly, a distraction from the visible sign of masculine status (antlers), and a symbol of his own failure to father a proper male and thus please his own symbolic father.

The suppression of Rudolph’s red nose is the suppression of what the patriarchs perceive as a feminine characteristic. The glowing red nose is in fact a symbol of the feminine jouissance that the patriarchs have renounced in order to join Santa’s symbolic order, is the very sign of the being they have exchanged in order to have meaning within that order. Rudolph’s red nose endangers patriarchy itself for it reminds the patriarchs of what they’ve lost, the “pure substance of enjoyment,” the dangerous irrepressible femininity (“you could even say it glows”) that they must guard against—within themselves and within others.

Because his red nose represents all those terrible / wonderful uncontrollable things that the patriarchs have excluded from their identities in order to focus exclusively on one type of marker of identity (antlers, poles, etc.), Rudolph, abject figure that he is, likewise must be excluded from the reindeer games that form the very fabric of Santa’s patriarchy.

Like the does, Rudolph can only watch as the bucks compete with each other for status, as playing “reindeer games” is merely a prelude to competing for Santa’s favor and being chosen to pull his sleigh. When Clarissa seeks to join with Mrs. Donner to hunt for Rudolph, they are both told, “This is man’s work,” and they are left behind while the men wander aimlessly and uselessly in search of the runaway reindeer (although Clarissa and Mrs. Donner ignore the male orders and demonstrate that does can wander just as aimlessly and uselessly as bucks).

Each subordinate group in Santa’s patriarchy has its own version of “reindeer games,” a system of practices and rituals through which the individual elf, reindeer, or toy is interpellated as the subject of Santa’s ideology.

Akin to “reindeer games” is “elf practice,” where the elves, among other things, practice “ear wiggling.” However, the very idea of “elf practice” points to the circular reasoning of ideology. Elfnicity is supposedly natural to one’s being as an elf, so why would an elf need to practice being an elf? In practicing what is supposedly innate, one becomes the elf that he already is. Like gender, elfnicity is a cultural construction rather than a product of nature. Otherwise, nature would take its course and both “elf practice” and “reindeer games” would be unnecessary, but Santa’s patriarchal order needs Elves and Bucks, and he must make them by suppressing and excluding other identities—and thus the cruel rituals of “elf practice” and “reindeer games” as a means of reproducing those identities and winnowing out the “misfits.”

We might articulate in abstract form the structure of Santa’s symbolic order by means of a schema from Jacque Lacan’s Encore.

The arrows in this schema, as Slavoj Zizek observes in Looking Awry, mark “the process of symbolization of the imaginary,” with the three objects on the sides of the triangle operating as “nothing but the three ways to maintain a kind of distance toward the traumatic central abyss,” the absence of meaning that always threatens to erode the symbolic systems we create to cover over that abyss (135).

As Zizek writes, the “object small a is thus the ‘hole in the real’ that sets symbolization in motion; the capital phi, the ‘imaginarization of the real,’ is a certain image that materializes nauseous enjoyment; and, finally S(A), the signifier of the lack in the big Other (the symbolic order), of its inconsistency. . . . The abyss in the middle (the balloon encircling the letter J—jouissance) is of course the whirlpool of enjoyment threatening to swallow us all” (135).

Applied to the social order at the North Pole, we might adapt Lacan’s schema thus:

Of course, the “whirlpool of enjoyment” at the center of the narrative (without it, there’d be no story) is Rudolph’s red nose, the jouissance that threatens to swallow us all—at least, that’s the way Santa and his patriarchs respond to Rudolph’s glowing difference. For the capital phi we substitute the abominable snowman, whose “nauseous enjoyment” is exemplified by his salivating mouth; for the S(A), we substitute S(A)nta, who is the signifier of his own lack. He institutes tyrannical oversight and a blustery management style to conceal his own inefficiency and inability to perform his duties without a vast force of elves and reindeer—who do all the actual labor while he broods and complains. S(A)nta’s lack necessitates the creation of the hierarchical social structure that he erects to conceal that very lack.

As Rudolph’s story is an allegory of gender difference, his friend Herbie’s story is one of sexual difference. Although one might interpret Rudolph’s red nose as a sign of queer subjectivity, Rudolph is precociously heterosexual (and bonded with Clarissa shortly after entering puberty). Herbie, on the other hand, bonds exclusively with other males, not only Rudolph but also Yukon Cornelius. But Herbie’s queerness extends far beyond a preference for male companionship. Not in the least bit interested in closeting his identity, Herbie skips elf practice, hates being an elf, disparages making toys, and makes no secret of his unacceptable desire to become a dentist.

Herbie also expresses his sense of difference through his physical appearance. While all the other male elves are completely bald, this misfit elf has blonde wavy hair (much like the female elves) and red full lips (whereas the other male elves seem to have found a way to constrain such expressive lippiness in favor of thin black lines for mouths; perhaps they have surgically altered their lips to remove any sign of feminine voluptuousness, or perhaps part of the cruelty of elf practice involves body-altering exercises to produce lip-thinning).

Herbie is a Lacanian hero in that he refuses to cede his desire (to be a dentist) to the desire of the big Other (that he be a proper thin-lipped hairless toymaking elf). He refuses to integrate into North Pole society on its terms, and, whereas Rudolph is excluded from the games he wants to join, Herbie has no interest in joining Santa’s games and practices, and he refuses to take up the subject position that the symbolic order demands that he occupy, refuses to subject himself to the Name of the Father [aka, S(A)nta], and leaves the North Pole to seek out a place more accepting of dentistry.

Oddly enough, the most seemingly masculine character in the television show, Yukon Cornelius, with his whip, gun, and facial hair, may provide the most important model of an alternate identity for the young misfits. He has not subjected himself to S(A)nta’s Law; he respects the otherness of the other, accepting both Herbie’s dentistry ambitions and Rudolph’s nose. He provides community, companionship, and nurturing (feminine qualities, all of which are notably absent or present only in highly masculinized forms at the North Pole). Although he does defeat the abominable snowman (with the help of Herbie), he does not kill the beast but tames it, in effect encouraging the snowman to abandon its violent hypermasculine ways in favor of a more feminized, less abominable, snowpersonish identity.

Yukon Cornelius has learned the value of both masculinity and femininity, and, by the end of the episode, S(A)nta seems to learn something about the value of difference as well. However, only when feminine difference offers an important way—becomes the only way—that patriarchy can carry out its functions does the patriarch recognize the value of Rudolph’s difference. Only then does S(A)nta state those famous lines: “Rudolph, with your nose so bright / Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight.” We should note, finally, that it is only when Rudolph is accepted into the patriarchy, when he subjects himself to the Name of the Father by answering S(A)nta’s hail, that he is told, “you’ll go down in history.”

looking in the window of this emptied out space

2009-12-17T21:53:00.002-05:00

stasis:

listening to "mr choy & madam g".... musical theater is my healing medicine. did you know? i'm cheesey but my lady friend says i'm wicked smart so i don't mind being both. i'm an enigma, see? anyway... i woke up this morning around ten and started to write the long version of my gender politics paper... and literally (no joke- why would i joke about this) i'm still doing exactly that. i haven't been outside. i haven't watched tv. nothing. i took a shower around 6pm. and around 9 i poured myself a glass of wine. that's my entire day. oh, i brushed my teeth when i woke up. but seriously that's it. i have about 200 more words. i will be fine. that is why i'm breaking to write this. i'm thinking i'll write all night and then wake up and edit. in a perfect world i would have taken it to the writing center for a professional world- but no time. in a less perfect world i would have sent it to my dad or sister or ror's parents for a proof read... but no time. so i'm just braving it. but i know Fr David- and if it is accepted for the Philadelphia Research Symposium- as i PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY it will be... he will help me with the necessary edits. so that's that. anyway. that's all i have. paper's due tomorrow at noon and then i breathe for 5 minutes before starting my "9 parts of desire" d-file. oh and christmas somewhere too... right?

song of the day:

"mr choi & madame g"

daily zen:

"If you wish to drown, do not torture yourself with shallow water."
-Bulgarian Proverb

5 things:

1- rory
2- pinot noir
3- my beautiful macbook
4- comfy hand-me-up dresses from wmily
5- our clean home

Ludlow Overeasy Did It!

2009-12-15T16:56:00.002-05:00

stasis:

i'm a horrible blogger anymore.. I know. I'm sorry. So- today I slept in as late as I could, but the stress of money and life and this time of year and school woke me up repeatedly starting around 8am... I think I finally got out of bed at 10.. so it was rest, even if not the most restful rest. Then I fussed around the house whining and weeping about woe is me, had breakfast in the tub while reading Way of the World, took the trash out, had a nice little lunch date with Rory in our red room, sent him to school, made myself a snack that upset my tummy, bemoaned my tummy ache a little, trimmed the tree some more, lit all out holiday candles, and now i'm reading 'fuente ovejuna' finally. and I do mean finally because its over a year since i was supposed to have read it. oops. well i'm reading it now aren't i?! then i'm gonna finish 'conscious lovers' and read 'the london merchant' and scan our study sheet. so tomorrow morning is just refreshing everything i should *hypothetically already know*... i'm not a fan of these oral exams. i freeze up. i do much better writing than talking (never thought you'd hear me say that did you?). i am also hypothetically working on my father david paper throughout all of this. hypothetically. its in good shape but i need to do a lot of work to be able to turn it in by noon friday. but i also have lots of quality time in which to do said work. and THEN it will be time for christmas. eesh. i may yet live through my MA.

song of the day:

'jingle bell rock'

daily zen:

"You have said it, but you have not understood."
-Jesus of Nazareth

5 things:

1- my amazing mother
2- this beautiful day
3- my papazan chair
4- yankee xmas candles
5- rory- the love of my life

2009-12-09T13:20:00.001-05:00

if you want me to i will

2009-12-09T13:09:00.002-05:00

stasis:

hi blog. woke up late today because its my day to sleep. crazy right? i'm loving it. had coffee and pb waffle as i like to do. and finished my director's prep sheet, emailed my crucibillies as i call them, and now after this i'm going to finish my bader ejournal work. then from here till the end (save my orals friday- they were rescheduled) its just directing scenes (easy & fun), re-reading the bader plays, and re-writing the fr. david paper (the see what i wanna see paper). so i can balance those two things for sure. this time next week i'll be one day away. hard to believe. but it feels good. it feels stressed but i see the light. and it IS there. almost christmas. did i mention i really havent gotten out of bed yet today?? mmm.

song of the day:

"revolution" beatles

daily zen:

The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer. ~Edward R. Murrow

5 things:
1- finished director's prep sheet & an incredible scene i'm proud of
2- wednesday = kati day
3- my beautiful mother
4- my incredible friends at school. family away from family.
5- the love of my life, my one and only forever- rory

this has all been a test

2009-12-07T23:12:00.002-05:00

stasis:

BLOG! i can't take it. this end of the semester is murder. briefly- woke up and rushed to school for rehearsal at 11 for ben's directing scene, spent the rest of the day at school doing homework before a little building (andy & ben helped me with my fireplace). then we did the preview performances for andy, ben & nel's scenes. which was fine but stressful- but fine. then ben and i went over notes, then the long trek home, the chilly walk from the parking garage, got home & cleaned the house- meant to take a bath but haven't peeled myself out of my couch yet. ror got here- we're about to eat the latest meal ever... then my bath. tomorrow morning we have a scholars meeting forever early (9:30)... so. another VERY long day. but its SO close.

song of the day:

"in the bleak midwinter/the first noel" celtic women

daily zen:

No thought, no reflection, no analysis, no cultivation, no intention;
let it settle itself....
by Tilopa.

5 things:
1- my blue warm vest/sweater thing
2- coffee
3- our clean home
4- jessica... i guess ben & chris too
5- my beautiful rory

i dont want to write this

2009-12-05T18:05:00.003-05:00

stasis:

welp. i'm annie oakley. i'm so so ecstatic. i also have slept almost not at all the last week because of school work & rehearsals, auditions & call backs... so... i'm also exhausted. but this morning at 11 i turned in my bader paper- and i can tell you this: i will make it! after the paper, ben took myself, nicole & bill to get props from various locations, including my logs for the wooded scene. then i rehearsed crucible 12-2 with costumes (they look beautiful!) and then stayed and rehearsed more with my john & elizabeth. then got home and cleaned a little while ror cleaned the bedroom, i did the dishes and talked to my J- and now i'm gearing up to spend the night with my director's prep sheet. it will be done tonight. come hell or high water. AND- today is the first snowfall of the winter! we win this one global warming!

song of the day:

enjoy

daily zen:

"from the withered tree a flower blooms."

5 things:
1- SNOW
2- my brilliant Crucibillies
3- time
4- our clean apartment
5- roar

we're gonna rock/roll/bop/bowl

2009-12-04T01:25:00.002-05:00

stasis:

let me tell you blog.. these days are long and rough. and dont you that's what she said me because i already know. too much stress to write about them. suffice to say- these are long and difficult days. still doing homework that will never be done. still haven't heard about the musical. that's all. and i really want a christmas tree. soon.

song of the day:

"merry christmas darling" karen carpenter

in my opinion, the ONLY christmas song.

daily zen:

gratitude.
grace.

5 things:
1- my J
2- amazing family of friends at Nova, we're so blessed
3- my beautiful family
4- the tiny extension on the bader paper
5- my rory

falls in a well- eyes get crossed- kicked by a mule...

2009-12-02T20:50:00.003-05:00

oy. also vey.

i've been writing all day to little avail. i'm near to having an outline for my bader paper. i wrote my ejournal. i wrote the answer for one question on the director's prep. eesh. and, no cast list yet.

so i'm trying to move bravely forward with my homework and not think about it.. but of course i can't get 'annie' out of my head. i'm an emotional lady. i'm working on it. but i'm sending lots of grand christmas wishes out into the universe and thinking very positive thoughts. what else can ya do?

also. i made myself a big glass of wine with dinner. its so yummy- i think the little kick of sugar will help me pull through. if only we had an oven, there'd be cookies involved.

so now to finish at least 4 pages of the paper, and two more prep sheet questions.

i can do it. i'm sure of it.

if i can only get my mind off of this musical.

sigh

oh, and-

2009-12-02T15:05:00.001-05:00

did i mention that today is a nervous day?

but my JESSICA.... passed her Orals Defense! i couldn't be more proud. Andy is defending his as we speak & mine are next wednesday.

it all happened so fast, didn't it?

for my J

2009-12-02T12:26:00.002-05:00

stasis:

oh blog. i've not been writing because i'm completely stressed out. there is so much work, important work, and literally no time. last night we had call backs for the last two shows of the season, annie get your gun & medea. if you know me, you can guess. my entire heart & soul is/was in the annie call backs. i have been doing musicals since before i could speak and they are the world to me. i have never understood myself or the world better than i do through musicals. and if you know me you also know that i don't care if that sounds cheesey, because its true. i've devoted my life to the art form and so it is my happiness. the call backs were grand... but i'm always completely terrified scared about these things. they're just so important to me. and i am... contrary to popular opinion... actually quite a delicate flower. so. last night we had call backs and so i didn't sleep a single wink tonight. (sadly not a joke- i dozed from 9:30-10:10 am & had an incredible dream where i was talking to Michael (from school) and he was asking me about what my tattoos mean. how deep is THAT!?) i woke up.. or rather got out of bed, checked my email somewhere around 8,000 times, read 'conscious lovers' for v&f, took a bath, talked to my J (whose orals are today!), talked to my butros, talked to rory a little bit (who really is grand about making me feel good about myself) and now i'm nearly done the portion of my director's prep sheet that i've been working on. then i have to write my e-journal and get down to brass tacks with this v&f paper. then my dad might be passing through philly tonight, so if we can we're going to have dinner together. then more homework continually forever...

everything's gonna get lighter- even if it never gets better. as they say.

but seriously. soon things will be lessened. i just have to hold in there. and i am.

gratitude & grace.

song of the day:

"Make You Crazy" Brett Dennen

I LOVE THIS SONG.

hope for the hopeless.

daily zen:

the mantra i used to finally get myself to a little sleep this morning was:

there's nothing more that i can do.
the world's going to do exactly what it wants to.
i'm just going to go along for the ride.
gratitude.
grace.

5 things:
1- my amazing, unbelievable friends. i am SUCH a lucky girl.
2- my mother.
3- homework
4- my J
5- my Ror

also--

2009-11-23T22:08:00.003-05:00

we decorated for xmas last night! (no tree yet, don't worry) here are some highlights:
(and yes, at our house santa & buddha hang out... and, yep, there's a buddha in the background of the nativity scene too. happy holidays!)

chronicalling

2009-11-23T22:00:00.001-05:00

the creation of my orals defense paper. this is day one of the paper writing.

if we were perfect

2009-11-23T12:06:00.004-05:00

stasis:

i never give myself enough credit. today i'm going to start. i'm writing my orals defense paper on 'as you like it' today. then directing 4:30, then i'm coming home for more writing on said paper. somewhere in there i'm also working on my director's prep sheet. i will get these things done. today is a good day. yesterday we closed as you like it... which was so special and surreal and bittersweet that i think i will remember it very well for a really really long time. it wasn't a teary closing- it was sort of deeper. it was all of us being a family together- sharing time and space and experience. and it was really incredible. and now onto the work at hand. so that's that.

daily zen:

"If you're attached to anything,
you surely will go far astray."

song of the day:

'a way back to then' from [title of show]

'i would know that confidence if i knew a way back to then'

5 things:

1- musical theatre
2- autumn
3- x-mas decorations
4- school
5- rory

for reals

2009-11-20T11:14:00.002-05:00

stasis:

i woke up late today... again. i don't get home until quarter to one anymore.. and then i'm so tired but i try to do homework and i pass out but its late so i can never get up with my alarm. ugh. coffee & a waffle. a little grumping around. checked my emails. now i'm working on my director's prep sheet- which probably won't be done till december 13th. (seriously) i'm gonna work on it all day today before rehearsal @ 4- which i guess i will also need to do some prep for. and so i think all of this begins with a reread of 'crucible'-- however much of it i can read before school anyway. and get work done. oh blog. i have such grumps today. i need to shake them off. i went to bed grumpy and woke up grumpy. i know its partially the stress: my orals paper is due 1 week from today (yes, the day after thanksgiving), annie get your gun & medea auditions are monday after thanksgiving, my bader e-journal is due the wednesday following that, my bader paper on comedy is due that thursday, then the directing scenes preview the next monday- so this enormous prep sheet will be due soon, then i will have directing scenes the week of the 13th, bader orals the same week & the final gigantic revised version of my See What I Wanna See paper that week... and somewhere in there i have to defend my orals. AH! seriously- i could throw up when i think about it. all of it. i need something to revive me. "a little something that has worth that illuminates the point of my being on this earth." eh- that's so melodramatic. i'm not that melodramatic. i'm just overwhelmed. everything i'm working on it so great right now- its just all happening at once. that's all.

anyway. no time to chat. must read & write & read & write & Rehearse & perform & read & write.

song of the day:

"back to black" amy winehouse (rumble strips remix)

daily zen:

(this is very serious. not a joke.)

I will not play at tug o' war

I'd rather play at hug o' war,

Where everyone hugs

Instead of tugs

Where everyone giggles

And rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses

And everyone grins

And everyone cuddles

And everyone wins.

5 things:

1- time
2- coffee
3- rory's black hat
4- my mom & dad
5- oh, i guess rory

Don't Ask Me How It Goes

2009-11-17T11:21:00.002-05:00

Stasis:

hi blog. its been a while i know... i'm trying to catch up on life now that AYLI is opened. but this semester is relentless, so i may fall off the blogosphere again... we shall see. so. this morning i slept in nice & late- today is the BIG DAY- i'm presenting my paper today in class:

"I SEE WHAT I WANNA SEE:
How the Fragmented Aesthetic of LaChiusa's Musical
Deconstructs Perception in the Postmodern World"

Part III: Gloria Dei/Glory Day

yay! i don't know the last time i was so nervous & excited. This is definitely something I want to do for the rest of my life... i just have to learn more about how to do it. you know, having a bfa in musical theatre and not english and all... but anyway... i'm up. and i made the bed and made myself a waffle & coffee while ror showered and got ready, and now i'm going to brush my teeth (all of them) and read my Bader homework (probably Earnest & the theorists today, so that tomorrow i can catch up on some plays that i need to re-read...) then i'm heading to my pal ben's @ 3 where he will help me cut the music clips for my presentation, then at 4:30 its go time! then another performance of AYLI tonight. which is so great because now its not a stress anymore... its a joy. as it should be. so this is a really great day. and the sun is shining to boot!

Song of the Day:

"Danny's Song" Anne Murray

Daily Zen:

Great Faith. Great Doubt. Great Effort.
-anonymous

(i've posted this before, but its So good.)

5 Things:

1- great friends
2- great families
3- great academics
4- great art
5- great love (r)

guaranteed

2009-11-09T13:16:00.003-05:00

stasis:

eesh. i know i'm bad at this lately. tech weekend & all... today is monday. i woke up around 9 something... had breakfast, did homework, took a bath, did more homework, worked on my audition stuff for nova (why does everything come up SO fast?! eesh)- and now i'm blogging briefly and working on my paper briefly before heading out to my 3pm fitting (which will hopefully be short) so that i can finish more homework before directing class... then we do our first student performance/preview of "as you like it" tonight. long day. good day. productive-ish day. beautiful sunny temperate day... but long day. but all is good.

song of the day:

"Love Me Still" by my incredible pal Mary Scholz (www.MaryScholz.com)

daily zen:

“When I woke I was alone, I was thinking:
So this is how you swim inward, so this is how you flow outward,
So this is how you pray.”
- Mary Oliver

5 things:

1- new clothes from mom
2- time
3- beautiful autumn outside
4- the strength to keep moving forward
5- my incredible fiance

this makes me so happy

2009-11-07T15:32:00.001-05:00

i know... i'm rather simple. whatever- it makes me laugh. big time.

i think you've made your point now

2009-11-05T09:44:00.002-05:00

stasis:

hey blog- woke up about an hour ago & have been blowing my nose ever since- i think i need to get back in touch with my supply of emergen-c. i'm not sweating it though, life's too short and there's too much else to do & to sweat. so. so that all that i've accomplished so far. on the docket are coffee, oatmeal, brushing my teeth, a hot bath, reading my theory readings & re-reading dyskolos for vision & form, if i have time left over i'll read spring awakening & begin my ir for directing, then class 4:30-? because tech call is at 6:30, so we probably get out of class at 6 for dinner- which i will be packing and probably eating while i get my make up on. then tonight we tech beginning with shakespeare's act 3 & see how far we get. we've been trucking along pretty well actually for these shorter tech days... but we haven't gotten to the letters yet- and in our production orlando's letters are ridiculous/beautiful/a tech nightmare... so that might be... something. but... i think that and the transformation of ros & celia in the quick change at the end might be the only really big tech things that could slow us up. otherwise it should be tech at tech's standard pace. we'll see. this is my life right now. i like it. i just hope everything else doesn't mind holding on while i do the things on my plate first. eesh.

song of the day:

"talk" coldplay

daily zen:

On Going to see a Taoist Master

A dog barking and the sound of water;
Peach blossoms heavy with dew.
In these deep woods, deer can be seen;
At noon along the stream, I hear no bell.
Wild bamboo divides gray clouds;
Waterfalls hang from blue peaks.
No one knows where you’ve gone;
Disheartened, I lean against a second,
Now a third pine.

- Li Po

5 things:

1- as you like it
2- day time to do homework
3- amazing friends and family that inspire & support me
4- a house with food in it!
5- my amazing rory- the love of my life

a nail-biter right to the end

2009-11-03T12:00:00.002-05:00

stasis:

oh blog. no time any more. i'm trying to stay above water. today i woke up and cleaned up the clothes mess a bit- but there's still more to do. eesh. then i talked to my dad at length and answered emails, now lunch and a bath and reading the misanthrope. i'm leaving at 2 for my fitting today, and then gender politics class, then the last run of the show before tech. i remember the last run of turkey- very vividly- so this is neat. plus i like this show. but my life is a bit underwater. so . working on that. but i can get it all done. i swear. eh that's enough written for today. oh- did i tell you yesterday, mom, emmy & i made our annual trek to lancaster for girls shopping day? it was really really grand. i just can't wait till we take them and i'm not way up in my head with stress over school- and terrified to spend money. i want the year where we're all free and happy and em & i can treat mom to a day in lancaster. it will happen eventually. anyway. it was an incredible day and i love those two dearly and it was just what i needed. and now onto today.

song of the day:

"stand by me" (here performed by my eternal beloved, john lennon)

daily zen:

The quieter you become,
the more you are able to hear.

5 things:

1- mom
2- wmily
3- jessica
4- sunshine
5- rory

the wind blows wild & i may move

2009-10-30T11:26:00.002-04:00

stasis:

oh blog. my rory is a pain in the butt. i wanted to go to trader joe's at 10 am. he got up at 11:15 (finally) and now he's in the shower. gr. also 'ah! wilderness' is sold out everywhere- maybe even out of print. and its my homework this week. oh kati! i'll get a copy tho, i'll borrow one from the library (i know they'll have it). so i woke up and hacked and coughed for a little while, then talked to my pal ben, then talked to my dad for a good little while, then played online while giving rory his '10 more minutes' multiple times. then i cleaned up the place a little bit- it needs a lot of love- and i put our clean towels away (i buckled and ordered some online- we haven't had cash/time (well i don't have time, rory does but he's a boy) to do laundry in like a millennium. so we're quickly running out of everything, and the towel situation just killed me. we had no towels- we were jumping into robes & air drying. not acceptable. i'm 26 and a lady. i don't want to live like a farm animal anymore. so i bought us 4 bath towels, 4 hand towels and 4 wash cloths. good. and of course rory, in his everlasting shower, will be christening them today. no surprise. i think he's my soul mate because i can freely admit that he is also my arch nemesis. the boy who eats all the apples before you get one. the boy who uses the clean towels first and then hides them (while they're still wet) in the unmade bed. gr. oh! his shower stopped. so we're going to trader joe's, then i'm doing homework until rehearsal & joanna's show tonight starting at 5. happy all hallow's eve- go watch Hocus Pocus!

song of the day:

"holes in heaven" jack johnson

daily zen:

"i do believe love will come set me free."
-brett dennen

5 things:

1- trader joe's
2- new towels
3- as you like it
4- good homework to keep me honest
5- my arch nemesis rory

then you will know-

2009-10-29T12:07:00.002-04:00

stasis:

oh goodness. last night ror & i took tylenol pm's (1- because i was having a bad headache & 2- because we needed a good night's sleep for this long thursday), and this morning i couldn't peel my eyes open until 11! AH! its so late! while the sleep was good and the dreams were wacky (as they always are on pm's) i don't think i'll do that again for a while if i don't need to. i'd rather wake up nice and early- and maybe sleep till 9 and think that i've slept in really late. so. PHILLIES! the game was very fun last night & i wouldn't feel like a loyal Philadelphian if i didn't mention it in some way. so there. now back to today. i woke up. stumbled around trying to wake myself up- i'm out of soy milk & creamer today (no worries, grocery store trip tomorrow morning) so i had to resist the impulse to make myself a coffee. instead i'm having a vitamin water and plotting to leave early & get a coffee out somewhere in the world today. i had a waffle with peanut butter and checked emails and responded to emails and i think i'm starting to wake up a bit. a little tiny bit. today's plan is to read the rest of 'shakuntala' and then re-read my theory article on tragicomedy and write out my lead reader notes for it. mixed in there will be more work on lines (which i did yesterday day by myself and then after the game with rory- who is so great with shakespeare its been invaluable). then vision & form @ 4:30, and a full run of 'as you like it' at 7:40- off book and we will have the composer, choreographer, and assistant costume designer there- which often suggests more people of great importance will show up... which makes me -not nervous- but really want to get this thing under control before they get in to see it. also this speech lady is coming- and i don't know her- but i am a religious follower of the Speech Diva herself, Ms D'Arcy- and so i always take great pride in my speech.. and i'm hopeful that meeting this new person will be a kind experience. and not otherwise. but - i am choosing optimism. so maybe before i read i'll write in my 'ayli' journal a bit. lots to do this week- but i'm planning my time well so i can do it all. or at least i'm trying to. here's hoping.

song of the day:

"tomorrow is a long time" by bob dylan- performed by nickel creek

daily zen:

"Heaven and earth and I are of the same root,
The ten-thousand things and I are of one substance."

-Zen Master Sêng-chao/Sõjõ

5 things:

1- my dad
2- the phillies
3- my car
4- my frye boots
5- my wonderful fiance, i don't know what i'd do without him

Let's Go Phillies!

2009-10-28T20:24:00.001-04:00

r & i got cheese steaks to celebrate game 1.

specififity

2009-10-28T01:59:00.004-04:00

stasis:

hey hi hello blog. sorry blog. i'm a bad blogger sometimes... life intervenes, oui? so we're nearing tech week... there's the explanation. also my course load is almost undoable this semester... so. i will blog so regularly i promise.. at leas i'll try. so today. i stayed up LATE last night. i had a coffee after rehearsal and couldn't sleep till almost 3. eesh. so i slept in till 11 this morning. and now i'm finished breakfast and my time-wasting activities (emails & such), and i'm moving on to my tons of homework and working hard on lines for 'as you like it' all day. i need this day off for sure- and i will be using it. i plan to accomplish all of my homework for thursday as well as some work for monday. i need a book to do some of it.. but otherwise i'm good. this turned out to be a boring blog didn't it? oh well. its my blog. i do what i want. i'll write a better one tomororow. i promise.

song of the day:

"better" from 'a class act' (an incredible musical!!!)

(sung here by one of my best friends in the entire world- the incomparable stearns matthews)

daily zen:

Being and non-being produce each other.
Difficulty and ease bring about each other.
Long and short delimit each other.
High and low rest on each other.
Sound and voice harmonize each other.
Front and back follow each other.

Therefore the sage abides in the condition of unattached action.
And carries out the wordless teaching.
Here, the myriad things are made, yet not separated.

- Tao Te Ching, #2
Translated by Charles Muller

5 things:

1- musical theater. i really don't know what i would do without it.
2- days off!
3- the phillies in the world series
4- the safety & health of my family
5- my pal ror

morning will come...

2009-10-23T12:21:00.002-04:00

stasis:

slept in- which was (today) both nice & necessary. last night's run was so stressful. i felt naked and 100% outside of my body. so. i'll be journaling about that elsewhere. so this morning i woke up around 9:49, did the dishes from yesterday (gross), talked to my mom, checked my emails, made pancakes (which i wasn't hungry for by the time they were done... oh pancakes.) made coffee. wrote a (probably caca) proposal for my independent study. cleaned up my bader folders and binders. wrote my to do list. sang along to most of julia murney's cd. watched a little price is right with ror. now i'm going to do the pancakes dishes, shower & get cleaned up for the day, and work on my to do list. probably i'll do my groundplan for "crucible" for directing... and write in my ALYI script... look over my lines... and read my bentley critical article on "tragicomedy" for this week.. you know, get it out of the way. today i'm reading some peeps for my directing scene, then reading with some other peeps for ben's scene. then rehearsal for ALYI w/nancy and with harriet. should be a super productive day. or not. but should be.

song of the day:

"i can't make you love me" bonnie raitt

(probably my favorite singer of all time.)

daily zen:

So an ancient once said, "Accept the anxieties and
difficulties of this life". Don't expect your
practice to be clear of obstacles. Without
hindrances the mind that seeks enlightenment may
be burnt out. So an ancient once said, "Attain
deliverance in disturbances".

- Zen Master Kyong Ho
[ 1849-1912]

(*i'm reminding myself of this in light of last night's rehearsal*)

5 things:

1- my itunes (rory finally transferred them to my new computer)
2- school
3- my art. thank you
4- incredible friends
5- my fiance

i will never change the world... until i do

2009-10-21T14:02:00.003-04:00

stasis:

i can't stop listening to 'the last 5 years' today. i can't get anything productive done besides housework because of it. i got up at 9:30 (yucky late), had coffee, revamped my webpage (www.kathrynlyles.com) - see (for those who may not know) i got the domain and a fancy professional site as part of my graduation gift in '06 (along with incredible la ducas!)- but it proved to be too expensive for me to keep up, so i ended up releasing my web designer from our agreement, but my resume still says the website- so i wanted to make sure something nice enough was there for when schools look at my resume as i apply to them. so that's what that's all about. then i did dishes, cleaned up the house, made the bed, and had some leftover spaghetti w/sausages. yeap. so productive. so now i'm going to (i SWEAR) turn off 'last 5 years' and write my sarah lawrence essay, finish 'the tempest' (you've heard me say that before haven't you?!) and 'alcestis' or whatever its called. then r will probably get home and i'll have to leave for 'as you like it'. i WILL be productive. oh. maybe i'll box some too! after the essay i promise! after... and no more 'last 5 years'... i promise.

song of the day:

1. Follow this link:

http://www.ruslan-odintsov.com/

2. Select "Theater" from the tabs on the left

3. Scroll down to the show's logo for a list of songs recorded live from my production of "last 5 years"

:-)

--------
okay- and this. its one of my two audition songs i picked out for SDSU:

"i wish it so" from Juno by Marc Blitzstein

daily zen:

A yellow flower
(Light and spirit)
Sings by itself
For nobody.

A golden spirit
(Light and emptiness)
Sings without a word
By itself.

- Thomas Merton
Thomas Merton's Poetry: Emblems of a Sacred Season

5 things:

1- musical theater. i'm loving it today friends!
2- sunshine!
3- wednesdays to myself- thank you!
4- good art to work on/with
5- my finance

a papaya in your eye-a

2009-10-20T10:52:00.002-04:00

stasis:

good morning blog. welp lets see. i got up this morning a bit late.. it was around 9am. and i made myself coffee (pumpkin coffee!) and an english muffin w/peanut butter. then i sat down and edited my paper for vision & form class, then i wrestled with rory a little... then i began blogging, then was interrupted so r could print out his homework- so i rewrote our schedule on the fridge and cleaned up a little. now i'm officially blogging, then i'm going to box on the wii (yaay), finish the tempest and finish my cosmology project, head out for a lunch date with cait- stop at the post office on the way and FINALLY mail some of the mail that needs to go out. then class (gender politics today), and then jessica and i are going to see 'history boys' at the arden (yaay UArts-ers!) and i'm going to meet up with becky afterward for some pal time. today is a very good. very productive day. don't you think so?

song of the day:

"the promise" tracy chapman

daily zen:

"i can't really say why everybody wishes they were somewhere else,
but in the end the only steps that matter are the ones you take all by yourself."
-the weepies

5 things:

1- school
2- pals past & present
3- coffee
4- sunshine chilly weather
5- my freckled boy

2009-10-19T09:54:00.003-04:00

this has been in my head this morning.

written by UArts MT Alum Joey Contreras '09 performed by UArts MT Alum Jeremiah Downes '04. (Artistic Director/Founder of Philly Music Theatre Works)

both insanely talented.

& here's one performed by Brad Greer, (my mentee!) UArts MT Alum '09. (now on the national tour of Altar Boyz)

in a catcher's mitt!

2009-10-18T22:53:00.003-04:00

stasis:

there's a chance i'm too tired to write this. i got up early today and got myself ready and drove off to rehearsal. got there early and wrote in my journal. then rehearsed 10-5:30, blocked the first act (shakespeare's, not ours). it was a really great rehearsal. this cast is wonderful and the process is (so far) wonderful. then i came home and got some birthday flowers for katie mama. then went home and changed and ror & i took her out for some birthday dinner at "fri sat sun" off of rittenhouse- SO yummy!! then she took us out for some desert at max brenner's chocolate (such a fun place). then we had a fun walk home and watched some phillies game together- then katie mama took off before the end of the game, smartly so as to beat the crowd- and now i'm so completely exhausted i think i will pass out before i finish this blog.

tomorrow i'm getting up early to finish my bader paper- you heard me!i will also mail my san diego mailing and figure out whats up with the transcripts caca. then i'm heading in to school a little early to see how wee-yum's orals defense goes for "Zoo Story" tomorrow. then directing class, then a small break and some more blocking rehearsal for "as you like it." so that's that.

did i mention how TIRED i am? phew!

song of the day:

"stay" the do

daily zen:

"No one knows what's next, but everyone does it."
dailyzen on twitter

5 things:

1- as you like it & its cast & crew
2- our beautiful home
3- my beautiful family in wilmington- happy birthday katie mama
4- my beautiful family in maryland- i miss you all SO much
5- my rory. the love of my life.

you will really like this. (i promise)

2009-10-16T17:07:00.003-04:00

"while you were sleeping"

by elvis perkins

bless you baby

2009-10-16T11:18:00.002-04:00

stasis:

welp. i woke up late today. actually late. and i didn't like it one bit. oh, kati. get up when your alarm goes off!! anyway- i got up today at 10. (the shame, the shame) and i made coffee and had some ib profin for my muscles, and read more of 'the tempest' and checked emails. then i tried to wake rory up (no avail), talked to some pals on my phone, pondered what to make for brunch (since its so late for breakfast), brushed my teeth, and eventually meandered over to my desk and here i am blogging. after this i will be working on my bader paper for a while. i would like to get a draft of it done today. we'll see. (high hopes) i'd also like to finish my sarah lawrence appliaction and get that out in the mail today, and give another thought to the towson one. and the central school one. probably will be central school over towson - but maybe i'll apply to both these are the thoughts of the day. and then tonight i have rehearsal from 7-9ish and finally i (celia) am meeting oliver! i've been sitting through rosalind and orlando falling in love forever- it will be so grand to meet my love! its a happy day for celia. and that's whats on for today- some good, some grand, some difficult but work-through-able, some raining, some chilly, and some (rory) are still sleeping. ah, me.

song of the day:

"banana pancakes" jack johnson

daily zen:

One thing, all things:
move among and intermingle,
without distinction.
To live in this realization
is to be without anxiety about non-perfection.
To live in this faith is the road to non-duality,
Because the non-dual is one with the trusting mind.

-Hsin Hsin Ming, Verses On The Faith Mind
By Seng T'san,Third Zen Patriarch
Translated from the Chinese by Richard B. Clarke

5 things:

1- slippers
2- fall break
3- my wonderful friends
4- food in the freezer
5- the one that never wakes up.

My Abstrat (2nd draft... probably not final)

2009-10-15T12:07:00.004-04:00

“I See What I Wanna See”:
How the Fragmented Aesthetic of Michael John LaChiusa’s Musical Deconstructs Perception in the Postmodern World

Part I: Gloria Dei/Glory Day

This analysis deconstructs the 2004 Off-Broadway musical “See What I Wanna See” written by Michael John LaChiusa. Utilizing a format dislodged from traditional structure, the musical presents three separate stories: “Kesa/Morito” (a murderous love affair in feudal Japan), “R Shomon” (a set of interrogations following a murder in 1951) and “Glory Day” (centered on a priest, in post 9/11 New York City, who creates a hoax about a miracle). The analysis concentrates on the ways in which the fragmented aesthetic of the piece rejects traditional constructions (both structurally and thematically) and problematizes the semiotic to address existential and postmodern anxiety about perceptual validity and the constructed nature of “truth.” From this framing, each story must be assessed individually, employing the methodologies of Post-Modernism and Existentialism, as expressed by Michel Foucault, Jaques Derrida and Richard Rorty. Their writings, collected in Stanley Grenz’ Primer on Post-Modernism, explore the postmodern dictum that “all is difference,” wherein individual perspectives de-center the world, leading to a “questioning of the central assumptions of the Enlightenment epistemology.” The first chapter, “Gloria Dei/Glory Day” interprets the second act of the musical as an investigation of spirituality through a postmodern lens. It diverges from its source material (Ryunosuke Akutagawa’s “The Dragon”) and proposes a Kristevan-like revelation that experience achieves value through the primordial sense of community, rather than through the Althusserian constructions of rational, ideological truth.

i see problems down the line, i know that they're mine

2009-10-15T11:30:00.002-04:00

stasis:

so for sure- i am enjoying fall break. rehearsals are fruitful and grand. homework is getting done piece by piece, as are my applications. and i'm sleeping better than i usually do, and seeing ror even just the tiniest bit more. and i'm checking things off of my 'life list' that usually have trouble getting checked off- like bank and parking things. i still would like to do more though and we're getting into the tail end of break here so i'm trying to crank it up a little on the productivity side. so. that being said. today i'm writing my v/f paper. no matter what. its a beast but at some point you have to just do it. so i'm doing it today. and i'm going to help myself out and do some other work today in advance for other things. so these are big plans. i'm letting the post office go till tomorrow- hopefully it will stop this cold cold rain by then. today i woke up around 9:30- a difficult sleep, i was dreaming about my v/f paper. and i think i've gone back to sleeping in bad positions (which i think comes from my subconscious stress) since i've been waking up with lots of back and neck pain again. had a nice warm shower tho and that did help a bit. i also drove ror in (since its his long day (remember all the costumes and props junior year?!) and since its cold cold raining outside), then i came home, showered, brushesd my teeth, straighted the house, made the bed, made the coffee, and paid the bills. now i'm ready to settle into paper writing mode. maybe revise my abstract too. and then tonight i have rehearsal at 7:30... so i should have good time to get things done. these are productive days. these are good days. if chilly. wonderfully grey and chilly.

song of the day:

"we will become silhouettes" the shins

daily zen:

"if you're afraid of being grabbed by God, don't look at a wall.
definitely don't sit still."
-Jiyu Kennett

5 things:

1- yummy warm coffee
2- warm showers & clean towels
3- the fact that rory is enjoying & doing well at school
4- our beautiful, clean, comfortable apartment
5- all of the love in my life